not too bad

here i am 10 days Post-partum.... got a ways to go, but so far nursing twins is helping!!!



and here's miss Lily in a preemie outfit... i only have two pink ones, no boy ones.though brother was also sporting the same outfit I thought I would spare him the embarrasment of being documented as wearing pink - though he did wear that pink hat in the hospital.

finally getting our groove on!

Last night was much better than the other night! :) I'm exhausted starting w/ thier first feeding, but was actually able to get some sleep last night.. YEAH! The babies fed well... still w/ the shields.. but that will take quite some time to drop I think. We have been able to do mostly nursing w/ the occasional bottle.

Tom goes back to work this upcoming Tuesday and I'm nervous about how this will affect our night time routine.. Tom won't be able to be up all hours of the night when he's got to get up and go to work. We are working on a plan for each of us to get a solid amount of shut eye each night. It will most likely involve me going to bed super early and Tom feeding them one feeding by bottle.. at this point we don't really know how much (oz. wise) that will be, but I guess we'll figure it out! :) I suppose all we need to know is that our babies are getting fed. I just don't want to screw with my milk supply and am dedicated to nursing them - MOSTLY.

We're still using disposable diapers because they are too tiny for their cloth diapers so I can't comment on how that whole thing is going.. I can say DAMN they go through a lot of diapers.. seems like every time we change them they poop again.. we haven't really been counting diapers (they recommend this to make sure they are getting enough milk) because they have SO many we know they are fine.

Okay ... someone's crying must go!

I can't believe they are only one week old!

So after talking to Lynda I felt I needed to clear some things up... this is HARD! haha I guess my last post made it sound like we've really got our poop in a group over here.. oh geez.. I mislead you.. these babies are seriously kicking our asses. :) We're still loving it though.

The transition to motherhood certainly hasn't been w/o tears.. most of them happy "oh my god I'm the luckiest woman ever" tears, but some frustrated most tired person on the planet tears! We're still working through the nursing thing.. which is my biggest source of stress. Things are getting better by the moment and we are staying close to our lactation consultant for help! And man do we need it. It's also nice to go visit her for the reassurance that we get that we are doing a good job.. the babies are gainig - albeit slowly - they are gaining. We were told they want to see about .5 to 1 oz. a day.. they are not there.. so we feed more.. WOW MORE.. REALLY??? You said feed MORE! Geez.. how much can these wee ones eat.. the answer is A TON! For those of you familiar w/ the 3 and 6 week growth spurts.. I think I have the 1 - 6 week growth spurt on my hands. They are trying to catch up apparently. We were able to get them to tandem nurse - PRAISE THE LORD - at the ped / lc on Wed. She had "my brest friend" pillow there and w/ help from the lc and Tom we got it done.. we stopped at baby depot on the way home and bought one of those suckers! Changed my 1.5 - 2 hour feeding frenzies at night to closer to an hour... so now I can sleep instead of the 1st baby wanting to eat again as soon as the 2nd baby stops! ha! So we are learning.. and as soon as we get things figured out a bit better I'm sure it will change! :) ha!

And guess what.. it's 10:15am and Tom and Jason are still in bed.. YIPPEE!!! Though Jason will need to be roused to eat soon! Turns out having them sleep for 3 hours straight - though it sounds good - is not so good.. they wake up DYING to eat and it's hard to calm them! We learn as we go around here!

Here are two cute pics of the scene in our bedroom these days.. sometimes they sleep in the co-sleeper.. usually after their second night feeding... but they get fussy a lot so they sleep w/ us! And hey, Tom initiated it. I think he 1) has trouble sleeping when they make noise and 2) worries about them.. so cute! :)

Daddy and Lily


Mommy and Jason

First Pediatric Appt and outing

We actually got our act together and got to our first appointment on time!!! AMAZING what teamwork can do.

The appt went really well. Lily is already .5 oz. over her birth weight and Jason has gained an oz. since being home. Thier little bit of jaundice is going away on it's own.. HOORAY.

Nursing is going well.. though I do feel kind of like a moo cow! It's hard to get two babies w/ different personalities on the same schedule, but we are trying. I'm just glad my milk has come in w/a vengence and we are certainly having no trouble feeding two babies. Nurse, pump, nap. haha We are still supplementing a bit, but are mostly able to use breast milk instead of formula.

Still so thankful that Grandma and Grandpa are here.. they have been so helpful.. keeping us fed and keeping our house from being a COMPLETE and TOTAL disaster.. they help w/ the babies too .. of course!

Grandpa and Jason


Grandma and Jason


Today we even got out of the house for a walk...



We are still loving every minute of it! :)

6/18/06 The Happiest Day of our lives!

The birth of our son and daughter:

Jason Everett Mount
6/14/06 10:43am
6lbs 4oz 19.5inches

Lillian Payton Mount
6/14/06 10:44am
4lbs 9oz 17.5 inches

Things change so quickly!!! I sit here now, not w/ a big belly, but w/ my son strapped to me and sleeping soundly after enjoying his breakfast.. AND sleeping for SIX hours last night.. in two 3 hour spurts! (THANK YOU Jason) My FABULOUS MOST REMARKABLE husband Tom is in the kitchen preparing the nursing mother some more food while wearing his beautiful daughter proudly... who is also sleeping after her breakfast and six hours of sleep (also in 3 hour spurts).

I can't believe that less than a week ago I was carrying these little peanuts in my tummy.. I can't believe they fit in there! A true miracle has occured.

On Wednesday morning we headed to the hospital. I was nervous and excited. I was worried about surgery and concerned that my babies would be okay. We both were trusting in our doctors and that God would bring us all through safe and sound.. WOW.. did he ever deliver!

We checked in at 7:45am and got up to our room by around 8am. We spent the next two hours talking to the docs and working on a name for baby boy. Tom put a list up on the extra white board.. I think he was just trying to distract me as I sat in my lovely gown/robe ensemble waiting to get this party started.

The worst part of the whole thing was getting the IV. I've only had one other IV and it was in another part of my arm. I got really woozy and thought I might puke, but we got through it. We all walked down to the OR together and I had to go in by myself for the spinal tap.. which I was terrified of.. Tom went to change while I went in by myself. It was a bit surreal being in an operating room and hearing/watching all the commotion going on as they got ready. I tried to just focus on the nurse in front of my and keep my nerves steady. To my amazement the Spinal was easier for me than the IV! They laid me back and as the doc had said could happen my blood pressure dropped and I got really nauseous.. nothing like puking to the side into a bed pan while laying on your back. Tom still wasn't there and all I wanted was to see his face at this point. They gave me some meds and I was feeling a bit better.. Tom came in and sat by my head and they got started right away! I had another wave of nausea right as they were starting (this time my WONDERFUL husband got to hold the bed pan)... then as they pulled baby boy from my womb I IMMEDIATELY quick feeling nauseous and felt like my face must have gotten some color back at that moment.. to say it was a relief is an understatement. I heard him cry shortly after that as they took him over to check him out. Then baby girl was removed to my delight I felt "normal" - I felt like if they left me on that table hanging open that would be okay! She cried as they checked her out and shortly after that they placed baby boy on my chest and baby girl came walking over with her very proud daddy... the report was read... he was 6lbs 4 oz... I COULD NOT believe it!! What a relief... then they both checked out well and could stay w/ us!!! I was beside myself w/ joy. Both babies stayed right there with us as they finished up the surgery... like I noticed that they were doing anything.

There was a lot of pressure throughout the procedure, but certainly no pain.

Afterward we went to the post-op room where they set me up with some IV pain medication and checked my vitals and waited for me to feel my legs again.. all very weird! We had our babies with us the entire time. What angles they are!

Back up in our room we were able to cuddle and feed our babies and I can't even describe the immediate love you have for them. As much as I love my nephews and niece.. I couldn't have understood how it felt to hold your very own baby in your arms if my sister's in law had tried to describe it to me. It's so overwhelming.

I was off the IV meds and had my catheter out by that night and had been out of bed. I was feeling pretty good and surprised to find that most of the pain I felt was from my uterus contracting... not where I had been cut.

Baby boy had been pulled out by his legs and had inhaled some blood and fluid so he was a bit sluggish to eat, but his sister went to town. Since then they have both been eating really well - especially for their size (particularly Lily). They both lost about 2 oz., but both started gaining BEFORE we left the hospital. They are both wetting and dirtying diapers and passed every test they through at them with flying colors! We couldn't be more proud! :)

We've actually managed to get a bit of a system going to do the feedings and what not and have both managed to get a considerable amount of sleep considering!

I am working on uploading some photos, but it could take a while for me to get them all up... in the mean time here are some for your viewing pleasure...

First a before and after:

36 weeks 6 days - day of delivery


2 days old:


And me 2 days post op... what??? Looks about 20 weeks maybe more than that??


And the MOST precious babies to ever enter this world:


Until next time...

6/14/06 Happy Birthday babies!

Okay... I'm up and ready to go.. and DAMN I'm parched. I dreamt about guzzling water. I slept okay. I normally get a 3 - 4 hour "long" nap during the night, but last night I think the longest jag was 1.5 hours.. oh well.. here we go. I can't believe it's time!

Happy Birthday, Happy Flag Day (as many have pointed out) and Happy Anniversary to the US Army (thank you dad for that info).... looks like the babies get to share their birthday.. ha ha

I'm nervous about the surgery, but I'm sure it will all be fine and I'm hoping and praying that the babies don't even step foot in the NICU! I'm excited and nervous about being a mom of twins, but I know we will survive... albeit on little sleep for quite a while. I just hope I don't rip Tom's head off too much... I apologize in advance to anyone I'm a bit bitchy too... sleep deprivation is NOT my thing! ha

Thank God mom and dad are here and I love ear plugs ... hopefully this will help me get some cat naps here and there.

Tom's excited and swears he's not nervous (LIAR) ... well he admitted last night that he was a bit nervous for me regarding the surgery... he says w/ the kids we'll just "go w/ the flow" ... wonder what he thinks this "flow" is going to be like! ha! I'll report back on how he's doing.

Off to the hospital.. don't worry .. we'll get my last HUGE shot before we leave!

6/13/06 36 weeks 5 days

To all MY fans... b/c I know today is my last day of being the admired one... starting tomorrow your fan club will transition to the two most beautiful babies in the world! :)

This time tomorrow I will be on the operating table and most likely my precious babies will be out breathing on their own (God willing). I just can't believe it! After all of this.. they will be here TOMORROW! AH!

Just wanted to say thank you to all of you for all of your support through this ENTIRE journey and for sharing the pregnancy w/ me as much as you can from a distance. Your support has meant so much to me and has helped me to remain calm through the whole ordeal - okay through the pregnancy.. I know I was inconsolable through the getting to the pregnancy part! ha!

My OB appt yesterday went just fine.... FINAL weight (only b/c I don't think I'll be weighed again) reached 198lbs.. just 2lbs shy of the BIG 200lbs.. I don't think even I could gain 2 lbs in 2 days.. but hey.. you never know! Tomorrow I should loose between 15 and 20 lbs.. Woo Hoo.. now the slippery (i hope) slope down to my prepregnancy weight.. though I'm sure I'll be too busy to notice! ha! Both babies are doing well, moving and practicing their breathing. Baby boy was moving just fine, but baby girl was either being lazy (like her mama) or was asleep so the tech had to jiggle the u/s wand on her to get her going -- I even drank some OJ before my appt to try to get them going. Oh well. They are moving just fine.. I can feel it! Baby boy is, of course, still breech / transverse! We'll have another quick u/s tomorrow a.m. before the surgery to confirm he is still that way before they start to prep me!

The hospital called to get a jump start on the paperwork to go over what to expect... AHH! they said b/c they are going to be younger than 37 weeks gestation (by one FREAKIN' day) they will have to do more tests on them.. great.. what did I do? They'll check their blood sugar every 4 hours and if it's ever below 40 (whatevers) they will recommend formula supplementation.. that lady said they will probably recommend it anyway b/c they are younger than 37 weeks gestation (HELLO.. it's ONE FREAKIN' day!) They also take them down to the nursery in their car seats to put them on an apnea monitor to make sure they breathe okay in them... b/c they are younger than 37 weeks gestation (by ONE FREAKIN' day) can you tell I'm bummed about this.. I guess I could flip it to the positive that I will know for sure they are AOkay when we walk out of there w/ them. So much for my natural birth.. nothing like going in the COMPLETE opposite direction.. oh well.. it's for the babies. It's just not about me anymore!

Oh, in our birthing class they told us that there is someone on staff there that can go down and check the installation of the bases in your car so we haven't even put them in the car yet... well the lady said they check the babies in the car seat, but not the bases so we should get that done today.. OOPS! Tom took the car to work today.,.. guess he'll be installing them tonight and maybe we'll get my mom and dad to cruise by the fire station w/ them while we're in the hospital.. or just do it on the way home on Saturday... oops. :)

Okay.. going to do some laundry .. make a moby wrap .. shop for nipples for my bottles (don't have as many as I thought I did) and probably pick up some snacks. Hopefully that will help kill the day.. I'll make mom go w/ me (since I have no car) and maybe I'll be able to talk her into going to Smoothie King for a Peanutbutter banana chocolate smoothy.. those suckers have about 700 calories, but shit I don't care! ha :) Besides I can't eat after midnight tonight and won't get food until dinner tomorrow.. better load up! ;)

I'll post as soon as I can on Saturday. I would say I'll be an over achiever and get down to the business center at the hospital to post pics for you guys, but COME ON.. 1) MAJOR SURGERY, 2) TWO NEW BABIES... sorry... the fans will have to wait patiently for a first glimpse at the newest additions to the Mount family! Anyone want to wager money to be the VERY first person to see them?? We can start the bidding at $1mil... We'll give some to a charity of our choosing! :)

6/9/06 36 weeks 1 day

I think it's safe to say that the babies are growing well. I measured my GIRTH last week and it was 44 inches.. I measured it again today and it is around 47.5 inches... and growing. This is good news. I haven't had an u/s to measure their size since 34 weeks... at which point they were both about 4.5 lbs and I was told they were gaining about 1 lb each every two weeks... so that would put them at about 5.5 lbs each now... and close to 6 lbs each next week. I guess we'll see soon enough. I'm not sure if they will measure them on Monday or not... I'm supposed to have another ultrasound like the one I had last Monday so I'm guessing there won't be time. We'll know soon enough!

6/8/06 36 weeks

It's amazing the perspective that putting over 50 lbs on your frame can give you.... I present my 9 week photo:



And for comparison my 36 week photo:


DAMN! I wish you could see my hands better in the 36 week shot... I just can't believe how swollen they are. My wedding ring BARELY fits on my huge fat bloated pinkie finger! And I wish that early on we had been taking pics w/ my head in them so I could see what my face used to look like. I'm excited to get rid of this moon pie face that is staring back at me in the mirror.

I can't believe that in the 9 week shot I was in the "I could stand to lose a few pounds" mind set... I would kill to look like that again after these kids are evicted! I hope I get some semblance of my former self back. I've already been warned to keep my expectations in check in that department.. that though I may achieve my pre-pregnancy weight all things will be redistributed. :) Maybe I'll at least get to keep the boobs for a little while. I'm just hoping to get some flatness back to my stomach! I can handle some extra giggle to the skin, but I don't want a big ol' pooch! ha! ;) Ah the vanity sets in! Good thing I'll have two babies to keep my mind off what I look like! I guess right now I'll settle for losing the bloat in my face.

We'll see if I'm brave enough to take any post partum pics of my "twin" belly. Maybe w/ a shirt and my girdle on! ha ha! Oh wait.. the girdle was going to be my secret so you would all think I was amazing.. oh well.. you guys already know the truth anyway! :)

Getting excited to meet the babies and truthfully I can't imagine keeping them in there any longer than another week. They are getting bigger - I can tell b/c I'm bumping them into EVERYTHING all of a sudden. I hit BB (baby boy) in the head w/ the gate yesterday.. poor thing! And rolling over has become an Olympic event for me. After each roll I have a contraction at which time BB tries to nestle into my ribs... and oh does that just feel GREAT!

Anyway.. only SIX days to go... I'll be in surgery this time six days from now.. AHH!!!

All is ready and waiting for them!

6/6/06 35 weeks 5 days

My OB appt yesterday was good. I had to have an ultrasound to check movement - which SUCKED! While they were looking for practice breathing patterns from the babies I had to lay on my back / side and couldn't move. UGH! The babies looked good and both are practicing breathing - you could actually see their diaphrams moving! Their heart rates are good. They are certainly running out of room in there - like I needed an ultrasound to tell me that! Ha!

I'm also doing just fine.. my weight is somewhere around 196lbs these days - they don't wait for the little needle to stop bouncing anymore so I'm never totally sure. I'm not sure if they are doing that to ease my mind or if it doesn't really matter at this point. So far they haven't moved the big weight to the 200 mark... so I'm happy. Though I think it would have been a bit amusing to have had that happen just once. ha

The big news is that we went ahead and scheduled a C section. The doc said that at this point there is no room for baby boy to change positions and because of the way he is if I went into labor and my water broke there is a high risk that other things could make their way out first w/ the gush of waters.. things like the cord or a foot. Cord prolapse can be a big problem b/c is cuts off the supply of nutrients and oxygen to the baby. If this was to happen it would put us in an emergency state and there's a good chance I would have to be put under general and I really don't want that b/c I want to be awake right after to be able to tend to the babies. Tom and I discussed it and decided that at this point it's not about me and my idea of what birth should be or my fear of having major abdominal surgery... it's about the health of the babies (and of me) so we decided to take the doctor's advice and just schedule it.

Drum roll please... mark your calendars the babies will arrive on June 14th at 10am - unless they are in there listening to all of this talk and saying to themselves, "Wait just ONE minute here.. we aren't even out and they are already bossing us around.. let's throw 'em a curve ball." Well, babies you officially have ONE WEEK to make the decision on your own.. you can either come when you are ready (in the next 7 days) or come when I say! (Jennie is that how love and logic works? haha)

We'll call you after the babies are here and we are out of the recovery room and in a regular room.. I'm not sure how long all of that takes, but should be early afternoon!

6/4/06 35 weeks 3 days

OH THE PAIN! I woke up again the other night w/ EXCRUCIATING pain. I thought maybe it was a contraction, but I think it was baby boy's reaction (hey maybe we could just call him BB Mount) to the contraction. He had his foot or something on some ligament or muscle or some thing I really wished he would move away from. I COULD NOT move. I think it was possibly the most pain I've ever been in in my life! After a while he managed to simultaneously stretch upward and plant his head firmly under my ribs! All I wanted to do was get up and pee, but I couldn't move. Finally if eased up a bit and Tom had to help me get out of bed. The good/bad news is I wasn't in labor. As I lay there trying to figure out what was going on I had a few thoughts... "Oh Shit, I'm not ready for labor" (that one surprised me), "Oh shit, I'm NEVER going to be able to handle labor" and "Damn it all I want to do is pee and go back to sleep" and of course "This SUCKS!"

The good news is I got up and peed then went back to bed... though I was afraid to sleep on that side again!

My next appointment is tomorrow and I'm hoping that they measure the babies for size during the ultrasound - I'm hoping/thinking they've got to be close to 5 1/2 lbs by now just based on the fact that they are bursting out all over the place!

I'm also hoping that there is some more progress in the dialation department.. some indication that SOMETHING is going on in there. I've been having a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions, but I don't think I've had any "functional" contractions.... Tom has requested that I at least keep these kids in until next Thursday so he can attend his sales meeting (here in Madison)... after that GAME ON! Greg is coming out to visit and I'm hoping we've got two screaming babies to torture him w/! ha! My friend's Jen and Kelly are going to come up for the day on the 16th and I just hope to not be in the hospital at that point - that being said - since we have plans for that part of June there's a higher likelihood that the babies will come then... RIGHT? ha

I went over and floated at the pool at Mom and Dad's apartment complex and it was FABULOUS!!!! Closest I've felt to "normal" in a long time. :) Getting out was disappointing though!

I'll check in again after my appointment tomorrow to let you know if these babies are as huge as I think they are!

5/31/06 34 weeks 6 days

Nothing real exciting to report.. well it's supposed to drop down to 55 degrees tonight - I find that to be pretty darned exciting!! YIPPEE I might get some sleep! :)

My OB appt was relatively uneventful. The babies heartbeats sound good, I'm dialated 1 cm (which basically means nothing), I start weekly ultrasounds on Monday to check heart rates, growth and position. We're still planning on letting me go into labor on my own, but the concensus seems to be that it's pretty unlikely that baby boy is going to move his ass out of my pelvis .... which would mean a c section. I'm just hoping to go into labor in the next 2 weeks ... I don't really want to schedule a C section - admit defeat.. me? NO! haha So we wait.

Mom and dad get here tomorrow night!!! I'd like a day to show them how to get to their apartment and the hospital.. after that the babies can come any day - as far as I'm concerned! :)

5/27/06 34 weeks 2 days

Well, I just packed up all my maternity clothes that don't fit anymore.. which is MOST of them. I've washed and initialed them for the next recipient.... Jennie?? Colleen??? Julie??? :) No pressure.. they'll wait for you! :) It was kind of bitter sweet - though I'm SO ready to be done w/ this whole pregnant thing it was fun to remember the excitement over needing to purchase the maternity clothes in the first place - not really knowing where my body would go and how fast.

They've served me well and whoever gets them next will see that the cotton stretchy stuff was my favorite.. and I might have to replace a pair of Julie's pants because I have basically lived in them for months! :) When you get this big you wear what fits and doesn't bind. Thank God I'm not working I would have had to purchase a whole new wardrobe... I can walk around the house and even grocery shop with the bottom half of my belly hanging out, but I'm pretty sure that if I was still in an office they would expect me to cover myself! ha!

I haven't posted any "emotional" stuff in a while because I've had some bad days.. just swollen and tired of my immobility ... I don't want this to become a platform for my bitchfests so I'm keeping it to myself. I'm doing okay today... actually trying to get some stuff done, but it's SLOW going with lots of breaks! Tom is out completing his favorite task - lawn maintanence - we're already talking landscaping to minimize grass cutting - that stuff grows SO fast.

The temps are now hovering around the 80s and the humidity has cranked up - we actually turned our A/C on last night.. I was so HOT! It was 78 degrees in the house.. UGH! So far it had stayed pretty cool in here despite the humidity and heat outside, but we got over the hump. I woke up burning up this a.m.... please let these babies come before we hit the 90s! ;)

Spring has been amazing around here.. I just love watching things spring to life!

Okay time to go manage the dog hair piled up in the corners of our hardwood floor house... hey at least I don't have to push a vacuum over the whole place.. that's REALLY hard to do all of a sudden! ;)

Mom and dad will be here in 5 days.. YEAH!

5/22/06 - 33 weeks 4 days

My OB appointment went well today. The babies have both gained about 1 lb in the last two weeks which is right on schedule. Baby boy is now 4lb8oz and Lily is 4lb9oz - she now outweighs him. All that ice cream I've been eating must be going straight to her hips - or if she's built like me - straight to her ass and thighs! All while her brother continues to gain weight at a steady rate! HA HA Oh, and the ultrasound tech said that she could see hair on baby boy's head! :) She didn't go back and look at Lily's after that and I didn't think to ask her.. at this point I'm not too comfy laying down for those things so all I can think about is getting them over with!

No internals this time. I asked the doc what he would recommend if I was still just sailing along at 37 weeks and he said, "wait and see you again in a week." I'm happy with that answer. He said that he was talking with the head of neonatology at Meriter and that the doc said they are seeing that babies that are born as a result of mom going into labor on her own - vs scheduling a C section for 37 weeks - do better. He said that if you aren't going into labor on your own there is a reason - typically if a mom goes into labor on her own and still ends up needing a C section the babies are better developed (even if it's early) b/c your body knows what it's doing and will go into labor when the babies are ready! :) So he said it would be great for the babies if we got to 38 or 39 weeks... though I think he still thinks I'll go between 36 or 37 weeks and he believes that if I go into labor all will be fine. He also said that the neonatologist said that if someone wants to schedule a C section they should have an amnio before having the C section to be sure the lungs are developed - uh, no thanks! ha! Oh God.. it could be SIX more weeks.. I'm not sure if I can do that!

So we are still waiting.. I'm hoping for at least another 2.5 weeks... God, that sounds like FOREVER right now! ha

5/18/06 33 weeks

Wow, I had a rough night. It's normal for me to toss and turn b/c my hip hurts or my shoulder aches or b/c I have to use the bathroom AGAIN, but last night was a bit different. It was either contractions or just ligament pain. Baby boy pushes on one side w/ his foot and the other w/ - maybe - his head and it hurts! It usually doesn't disturb my sleep. This a.m. when I woke up b/c of the pain for the last time I reached down to feel a big contraction - normally they don't hurt. I haven't had another one since I got up - only 30 mins ago mind you! I'll be laying low and seeing what happens today! IT'S TOO EARLY TO HAVE THESE BABIES - I'm sure they would be fine, but I want to wait a bit longer.... so today I think I'll prescribe myself some bedrest! HA HA And I think I'll throw a nap in there too!

5/17/06 - 32 weeks 6 days

Is it JUNE YET!?

My last appointment was pretty rushed - the doc was in a hurry - which was fine I guess. He checked me and my cervix is 50% effaced. I didn't get to ask him for more details about what that means, but I know that you have to be 100% effaced and 10cm dialated for the baby to come out... and I'm still closed so I think we're good. He didn't seem worried about it so I'm not either. Next appointment they'll do the Group B Strep test - just in case I get a vaginal birth - and will do another quick ultrasound to check the position of the babies. He's pretty sure he felt a butt when he was checking me so he's probably still breech... he's got some time to change, but I think he likes this position!

I'm at 191 lbs now... Dad and I may just end up being the same weight when he shows up in 2 weeks... either way we'll be darn close. If I gain another 3 lbs/wk between now and then and he doesn't lose even an ounce we'll only be 3 lbs difference in weight so close enough.. we'll have to get a picture of this! :)

I had another strange dream last night! I dreamt that I had had the babies, but couldn't remember it (the running theme in my birth dreams) - the only way I knew that I had had them was that I had my body back to myself.... and it was FABULOUS! ha Side note: I weighed myself in my dream and I was back to 140lbs already... just like that! Oh if it was that easy! I tried to go to the hospital to see and feed the babies, but I got lost and never could get there. I figured out that I had had a C section because I had a scar - a very small one! :) Then I remembered just a bit of the delivery... Dr. Melius was the one that performed the surgery and both little babies were perfect and had full heads of dark brown hair. That was all I could remember. It had been 2 days since they had been born and I still hadn't seen them again and Tom and I hadn't told anyone yet!

I promise it won't go down like that.. we will call you! :) ha ha

5/14/06 - 32 weeks 3 days

OH MY GOD I'M GOING TO BE A MOTHER!!!!! I'm going to be a parent.. I'm going to be responsible for these two little lives!!! What kind of mother will I be? Will I make the right decisions?? I mean I know my kids will blame me for all that's wrong in their lives regardless of what I do, but AHHH will I do right by my kids!? Why did I want to do this again? haha Just kidding... :)

Tom says he's not worried about being a parent! He says he is going to keep a clear head and use his best judgement! What the hell does he think he's talking about? Doesn't he remember being a teen ager!? AH! For the most part I take baby steps in my thoughts about parenthood - think of getting through the baby stage before jumping ahead to the "BIG CONVERSATIONS", but sometimes at night - like tonight at 12:30am - when I'm trying to sleep I think about all the big milestones that will come and go in my children's lives. Will I back down from the hard stuff to avoid conflict and uncomfortable moments or will I be able to be the adult and talk to my kids about the stuff that I feel I need to talk to them about?

Please God let me be strong and brave as a parent. Let me go out on limbs and not shy away from the hard conversations just because I'm afraid of "doing it wrong".

This truely IS going to be the hardest job of my life. While I'm thinking about this first year of my babies lives and the diaper changes, sleepless nights, crying, stress and pure chaos of it all the real work comes later... not too much later, but later! The mental work, the fear and worry ... okay the fear and worry started the day I found out I was pregnant, but still.

I guess you just can't worry about HOW you are going to screw your kids up because no matter how great a parent you think you are... or you really are... you are going to screw them up in one way or another. I just hope they get to the point where they get over blaming us for everything wrong in their lives and take responsibility for themselves...... some people never get there.

Geez, don't I have great aspirations for both my kids and myself as a parent!?

Okay... time to go see if I can get some sleep! Tomorrow I'll be one more day closer to holding them - yeah yeah yeah.. technically it is "tomorrow", but it doesn't count until I've slept first! :)

5/8/06 - 31 weeks 4 days

My OB appt and ultrasound went well.. the ultrasound was hard because I really feel like I'm going to pass out/puke when I lay on my back. Thankfully I was able to spend most of my time on my side. Baby Boy is breech (butt first) and baby Girl is transverse (laying across my tummy).. not good positions for a vaginal birth, but I'm still holding out! We are going to wait it out and see if they turn as we get closer to delivery. As of today (I reserve the right to change my mind) we are still going to wait to go into labor and get checked when we get to the hospital to see what position baby boy is in. If he's still breech or transverse we'll go w/ a c section.. if he has flipped we're going to go for it! :)

Both babies are about 3.5 lbs - which is a great weight for them. :) The doc said that if I delivered today the babies would most likely be in good health both short and long term, but would still spend about a month in the NICU.. they don't discharge them until they are 35 to 36 weeks gestational age. So in 4 weeks I'm still planning to start walking as much as I can! :) ha ha

Only three-ish more weeks until Mom and Dad get here.. then these babies have a free hall pass to come when they are ready! :)

5/3/06 30 weeks 6 days

I just realized something.. um a bit... "different" (okay that's really read ANNOYING, but I'm trying not to complain! ha ha) about twin pregnancy compared to a singleton pregnancy - yes, I realize I have NEVER had a singleton pregnancy, but I'm quite certain that the following observation is very true! Though in MOST cases w/ a multiples pregnancy you are in fact pregnant for a shorter period of time (term for twins is 37 weeks instead of 40) you FEEL pregnant for quite a bit longer!!! Okay.. this isn't talking morning sickness and what not.. this is talking the feeling of your body being inhabited by foreign beings and just not being able to move like you used to. For most of the singleton moms I've know and know now it seems that unless you knew the woman prior to pregnancy many of them appear that they MAY (Read: you would never ask "are you pregnant?") be pregnant well toward being halfway through the pregnancy. Now, seeing these women and remembering what my life was like at say, oh TWELVE weeks, you still feel rather normal and are asking yourself... "do I look pregnant to others? I mean I can tell the difference" Well.. I got to the "She is DEFINITELY pregnant" stage between 13 and 14 weeks... so I've been BIG BELLY pregnant for hmm... TWENTY SEVEN weeks now! People keep saying things like, "oh, must be any day now huh?" And they started saying that around 20 or 22 weeks.

So now I find myself day dreaming about what it will be like to not be pregnant anymore, though honestly it's hard to remember what it was like to not be pregnant. To be able to eat, or not, and not feel like I was going to barf, to get up off the couch or out of bed QUICKLY, to run across the street b/c a car is coming or to run into a store b/c it's raining really hard, to have a gin and tonic, to walk w/o waddling, to run in general, to ride a bike,... the list goes on.. how about to roll over in bed w/o doing a 25 point turn and waking Tom up. To actually FIT in my tub! Anyway.... so I'm all excited about this right. Naturally I'm reading some books about this multiples thing and in one I come across this:

Excerpt from "Mothering Multiples" by Karen Gromada:
"A sentiment often expressed by women during the last months of a multiple pregnancy is the desire to "get back to normal". Expectant mothers tend to idealize babies during pregnant daydreams. DAydream babies seldom fuss, spit up or have leaky diapers. Pregnant parents acknowledge that caring for multiple babies will keep them constantly busy, but imagining "constantly busy" and living "constantly busy" are seldom the same.
It can be a shock to discover that the postpartum year (DID SHE SAY YEAR?) is even less "normal" than 30 to 40 weeks of multiple pregnancy. Who could anticipaqte the suddenness of all the physical and emotional change that givng birth brings about? Change is always disruptive for routine-loving humans, but change, and the accompanying disruption in household routine, lasts longer when a new addition turns out to be new additions."

OH NO SHE DIDN'T!!!!! She did not just say that the following YEAR is going to be WORSE than being this pregnant w/ two squirmy little ones kicking the crap out of me and causing me to be nearly immobile! Making it so I can't enjoy my second love (eating) and my third love (moving) .... hmm. I'm not sure I want to subscribe to this thought process. I mean.. sure it's going to be hard.. they are going to scream bloody murder at the same time and BOTH expect ME - thier mother - to do something about it, their diapers will leak poop AT THE SAME TIME, they will wake us up at all hours of the night and want to be nurtured, they will turn my life upside down, but surely SURELY it will be a relief to have them outside my person... sure their will be days when MAYBE I'll wish I could put them back just to shut them up, but come on!!!! WORSE! No way! I'm not going to go there right now... I just want to meet them.. I will be happy to meet them... I won't believe what this woman is telling me! Not until I've lived it then I'm sure I will believe it, but now I have to believe that having them outside of me will be better! ha ha (this is the beginnings of my plunge into insanity I'm sure!) Thank GOD grandma and grandpa will be here in the beginning to be my extra set of arms! :) Dad, still counting on you for some diaper changes! ;)

Okay.. that's all for now.. just had to share that excerpt w/ you! Tom and I head to our "bringing baby home" class today.. and for the next three weeks.. then surely we will be all sorts of READY! HA!

5/2/06 30 weeks 5 days

My OB appointment went well yesterday. The doc said I was "PERFECT".. his words. I just told him that I already knew that! ;) The babies heart rates were great and doc said he thinks they are both head down.. we'll know next Monday at our next ultrasound. He said that after we get to 32 weeks they don't worry anymore.. and I'm close so that's good news! I haven't been gaining much weight from appointment to appointment and asked if that was a problem and he told me that the babies will get what they need to grow. It's hard for me to eat a whole meal so he said to just do my best to eat well and get calories in. I said, "so I shouldn't have half that cake you guys have out there?" He said, "Eat the cake!" ha ha Sweet ... free license to eat what I want! :) (NOTE: I learned a lesson this a.m... no matter how good chocolate chip cookies are ... they are BAD for breakfast.. I feel like crap after having two chocolate chip cookies after my breakfast... )

The cervix check was awful. I couldn't believe how uncomfortable it was... blah.. every week now. Oh well.. the things we do for our kids! Ha!

I also had a chiropractic appointment yesterday - which helps my back SO much - and the chiro asked what we were doing about vaccinations... or did I bring it up? I can't remember, but damn I have a lot of research to do. I've just been putting my head in the sand about it really... another thing to figure out.. I've been concentrating on just getting them here healthy and trying to get my mind around what we want done if they come early... and the whole c section vs. vaginal birth thing. I do need to think about this vaccination thing though b/c they start them right at birth. We need to be ready to tell the docs what we want done.

The days are slowing down even more.. is that possible? This waiting thing blows! I'm so excited to meet these little buggers - though a name for baby boy would be good BEFORE he shows up. Right now we are trying Austin out.. Tom's favorite so far.. it inspires thoughts of cow boy boots and ten gallon hats in me, but I'm trying to get past that. It doesn't help that Austin Powers Gold Member was on TV the other day... talk about ruining a name!

I'm not waking up to feet up in my ribs and baby lumps all over my belly - it feels like that scene in Alien where the alien bursts out of the guys chest.. or how I would imagine that to feel.

They will be here soon enough.. and while I wait I think I'll take a nap!