Thursday, July 22, 2004

Life lessons...

"How Can Someone that Lives in Insane Luxury be a Star in Today's World" (click the title to link to the column)
by Ben Stein

I was sent a link to this column - Stein's last for Monday nights at Morton's- regarding today's "star status" and whom we see as a Hero.. it's quite a touching column and it's wonderful that someone is willing to say it out loud!

Though the column focuses largely on the war in Iraq I gained something outside of that.. this quote from the column really touched me.. it's quite pertinent to where I am in life and is certainly applicable to all:

"We are not responsible for the operation of the universe, and what happens to us is not terribly important. God is real, not a fiction, and when we turn over our lives to Him, he takes far better care of us than we could ever do for ourselves.In a word, we make ourselves sane when we fire ourselves as the directors of the movie of our lives and turn the power over to Him."

In church the other day the pastor was going over the story of Isaac and Rebakah and said, "It's not about you.. it's about God!" The circumstances we go through day to day aren't about us.... there is greater purpose in all we experience.. good, bad and indifferent. Remembering that helps to keep it all in perspective for me! I used to feel that everything that happened to me was in effort to teach ME a lesson --- BUT the reality is that I may not be the person that the lesson is intended for.. and the lesson (if there is one) may not come until much later.

Stein touches on so many things in this last column... It brought tears to my eyes. Also check out this link to Strykernews to read a very touching letter from a soldier in Iraq in response to his dad sending him the Stein column... those men and women in Iraq are our true heroes and should be honored as such!

Thank God everyday that you have FREEDOM! and thank Him for His perfection in your life... good, bad and indifferent!

Wednesday, July 21, 2004

Vegan or not?

I've been on the fence about eating animal products.... I don't think Dairy suits me well and for a long time I have felt that humans shouldn't eat cows milk (thus other dairy products as well).. we are the only mammals that continue to drink milk past weening -- and another mammals milk at that. I've read that feeding a new born cows milk is not a great idea.. their little systems are designed to digest breast milk - from their MOM not a cow!!! I love this quote about milk, "Cow's milk is designed for baby cows, who have four stomachs adn gain hundreds of ounds in a matter of months, sometimes weighing more than 1,000 pounds before their second birthday."

there are many reasons that I would go vegan.. mostly that it would be a huge pain in the ass.. no seriously - it would, but!!! you leave a smaller footprint on the environment.. it takes a lot more resources to raise a cow then it does to grow grains, vegetables and fruit. There are also the health benefits of staying away from a highly artery clogging animal based diet and the humanity issues around the farming and "mass production" of animals only for our consumption.

The biggest issue for me is the health issue.. my health and the animals health. I don't want to eat some piece of meat or dairy product laden with pesticides, antibiotics and hormones.. Animals transfer more pesticides to you - in their fat - then a vegetable does!!!

Okay.. gotta run.. more on this later.. in the meantime check out

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

TTC #1

My life has been turned into a series of ups and downs.. I'm reduced to symbols and acronyms. I've learned a whole new language!!! It's part of the journey for those of us that don't just decide to get pregnant.. try a couple of times .. then BAM! baby number 1 or 2 or 3 is on it's way.
At first I was so frustrated and angry.. was I being punished? Was I not meant to have my own child.. to be blessed with a pregnancy and nurture my own offspring in my own womb?
I spent so many years of my life with the idea that it would "take me a while" to get pregnant. My mom had weird cycles and it took them SEVEN years to conceive. My cycles are irregular and I assumed it would be the same for me.. I almost created the situation with my own mind and heart.......
So I got off the pill early and started working with Herbs and Accupuncture to try to fix it all. I was going to be READY when the time was right. I started that over a year and a half ago.
Since then I've married the man of my dreams (YEAH!), been diagnosed Hypothyroid.. taken thyroid medicine, read Taking Charge of Your Fertility, gone through two Basal Body Thermometers, diligently charted my temperature every day, passed and FAILED a bunch of tests for work, run a marathon, cut out caffeine, started drinking caffeine again, bought a house, stayed with my mother in law, taken dozens of pregnancy tests, watched almost everyone who tried get pregnant with little effort, been stuck with pins and taken some very NASTY herbal teas, shared in the joy of a friend's pregnancy to see her suffer from HG and later miscarriage.... time keeps ticking by.. things keep happening.. life won't stand still for me.
It's amazing how time goes by while I feel like I'm just standing here waiting for something to happen!!!! Feeling like my life was somehow on hold... yet life was still passing by.. on .. leaving me in the dust.
I can't wait around for ever... I can't hang everything on WHEN WILL I GET A BABY?
Wow, I feel so much better! A calm has come over me.. I'm doing what I can.. trying to maintain my sanity and roll with it all.
I finally broke down and went to see an OB/GYN that specializes in fertility and have purchased my first round of Clomid... first I have to take Provera and have my period... so this weekend I will start the Provera and on day three of my next cycle I will take Clomid.. COME on EGGS!! I should know more in September.
In the meantime.. I may not be a mother, but I am a wife, friend and daughter... I can't ignore these important roles b/c I am so busy wallowing in my self pity b/c I am not a mother. So I will go on with life.. I will continue along the ups and downs of EVERYTHING that is out there... while I am (not so quietly) trying to become a mom.
At first I kept quiet about everything that I was going through... now I have started to share.. started to lean on my girlfriends and my husband.. I feel liberated.. I feel better.. I feel free. I don't worry that they will judge my actions or that if I tell them these things I will let them in too much.. it has changed my world and my perspective.. I feel closer to my friends for having shared an intimate part of my life with them..... thanks to those women that help keep me sane.. and headed in the right direction.. I couldn't do it without their support!