Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts

Monday, April 25, 2011

Values - are you living yours?

I've been feeling fairly unbalanced lately.. this always takes me to a quiet place (ha that ONLY exists in my mind) to reflect on WHAT'S UP!



I came across THIS post about values and while I generally feel I know what my values are and usually read these things and think about it, but never put pen to paper I decided to get to work w/ my notepad and the list and see where it lead me. Wow! It slapped me square in the face!

The post links you to a list you can print and go over for both your personal life and you work life.. since mine are pretty much one in the same I just did one list. I dutifully went through and circled all the 'values' that I thought pertained to me and then easily (maybe too easily) narrowed them down to my top 5. No problemo. Normally I would get bored and stop here... distracted by oh so many things, but I perservered and MADE myself continue.

Next you write your top 5 on a paper w/ enough room under each to write (on the left side) where you are aligned w/ this value and (on the right side) where you aren't aligned with this value.

My values are: (not necessarily in order)
1. Family
2. Health/Wellness
3. Fitness
4. Community/Connectedness
5. Simplicity (yea, this ones kinda new.. though it's been in the background for a while)

So I wrote Simplicity down and came up with a decent little list of 'aligned', 'not aligned' and moved on to Family.... CRICKETS! I stared blankly at the 'aligned' column and wanted to cry. It's not like I needed to write it down to KNOW that some work needs to be done here, but just looking it in the face was like being slapped! Of course there are areas where we are 'aligned' .. we eat dinner together every night, I'm a stay at home mom so I spend nearly every waking moment with my children (the quality of those moments could easily be brought into question), I color with them.. or they, uh, color and I'm on the, uh, computer.... anyway you get the idea. There aren't a lot of times where the little ones get my full and undivided attention, Tom and I don't do date nights, I'm terrible with traditions (perhaps you saw my tweets about the easter bunny NOT hiding eggs at our house.. BAD BAD bunny!). On the other hand you better be sure the 'aligned' category under Fitness was FULL! Ugh.

So what does this mean!? I'm not 100% sure just yet. The next part of the process is to take your 'not aligned' items and find ways (both large and small) to address them. I'm working on that ... uh, right after I'm done with this.. oh, and after I pick the kids up from school.. oh, and after I get groceries... I PROMISE it's working through in my brain, but I WILL put it on paper.. because clearly that's a necessary part of the discovery process for me!

This may (or may not) affect my plans for triathlon this year... time will tell. Right now I'm focusing on Knoxville Rev3 as I work though this. Stay tuned. It's always exciting (or not) up in here!

What are your values? Have you given it much thought? Is your life aligned with them? If not, what are you going to do about it!?

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Focus.. hello? Are you out there?

I'm so unfocused right now and feeling kind of overwhelmed at the same time. I'm not focused on anything.. certainly not triathlon. Has me a bit nervous for Knoxville! I'm sure I'll survive.

I'm not even focused enough to write a blog about it. UGh! Thus why I haven't posted in a while.

I have 2.5 hours to myself 4 times a week and they are mostly taken up with workouts. All I want right now is to lay in bed and read the upteen thousand books I have checked out from the library... none of which are about triathlon. I'm reading about simplicity, the environmental impact of our over consumption... guess it's all kinda heavy and has me wanting to be in my head and not outside my body doing the things I have to do as a mother and athlete... can't I just get a tent and go into the woods for a little while? Please? No, oh fine!

So I do my workouts... read some books... feed/cloth/bathe/play with some kids... interact with my husband.... work w/ the contractors that are currently fixing the ice damning (I mean damming) damage to our house and day dream about being able to sell it sooner than later.

That's about it.

Sorry I'm not more uplifting and all go ho and what not about the pending tri season. I keep saying it will come. It will come, right? Of course it will. I guess this is my blog and part of the reality of this Wife.Mother.Athlete gig is that it's not all always great fun... so here's your daily dose of reality....

As we know ladies.. life happens... we keep our chin up and carry on!

Off to the woods w/ the kids and dog. Right after I bake this loaf of bread. We're hunkering down a little I suppose!

What do you do when you just want to escape!?

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Catch up Time!

I've had things rolling around in my head to post, but my 'duties' have been keeping me busy.. along w/ this pesky thing called spin class. I have a new appreciation for what goes into planning those classes I've been taking for so many years! Damn... it's hard work. Or perhaps it's just me!

I feel like the last two weeks have just flown by. Seriously... it's going to be December next week? And year end only a few weeks after that. My head is spinning just thinking about it!

I'm still waiting to find out about Trakkers, but it seems things are moving along there and I'm hopeful to know more by the end of the year (hopefully sooner). I've discovered that some of my bloggy friends have applied as well... and while I shouted it from the rooftops for the world to see they kept it a little secret. You sneaky devils! You know who you are. I'm excited about the prospect of maybe being able to meet some of these people AS TEAMMATES in the real world. Yeah REV3! And how could I not be excited about the prospect of calling these two amazing athletes TEAMMATE! Sonja and Michelle just kicked A$$ and took names at IMAZ! Both earning a KONA slot. Sonja's second Kona earn in A YEAR... after going to Kona in October. These women are both crazy cool and excellent determined ATHLETE MOMs! Check out their blogs... they both are working through their race reports for IMAZ!

Warning.. the rest of this blog post is likely to be one huge mess.. but this is kinda how I've been feeling over the last couple of weeks!

I learned in the last week that SLEEP is essential. Okay.. I learned it again. How many times will I teach myself this lesson!? Tom was in Asia and I'm a horrible sleeper when he is gone. Not only do I stay up WAY too late, but I don't sleep well at all. Top that with maintaining my workouts and keeping up w/ two whirling dervishes who, I might add, have really kicked it up a notch lately and I was toasted by the time Tom was due to return home. Well, he got home - AWESOME, sick w/ what we think was the flu - NOT awesome! Three days in bed for my poor husband.. 3 days OUT OF THE HOUSE as much as possible for me and the kids.... If I wasn't fried before I am REALLY fried now.

Unfortunately the quarantine of the virus dd not work and both kids woke up this a.m. with a fever. I'm still standing.... barely. At least I've been going to bed and getting some rest. I'm certainly feeling the affects of my body fighting something and the exhaustion still holding strong.

Goal numero uno during Tom's next trip... GO TO BED already! :) It's a must do non-negotiable to avoid the crash and burn!

When Tom was gone I was thinking a lot about my 2011 Year of Awesomeness. Most of the things that I have centered on this are athletic when really if it's going to be the year of awesomeness it really needs to include all walks of my life! I'm bound and determined to make this happen. I'm going to need a lot of support from Tom and the kids to execute on the athletic endeavors and in return I owe them the best I have to give them as a wife and mother... this blog, afterall, is called WIFE MOTHER ATHLETE. And Athlete is last for a reason. While these goals are important to me they are secondary to my role as wife and mother! If I want to have balance then I need to call out what my plans are regarding my family! I read a blog post not too long ago (was it Goals for the Week?) talking about how we schedule our workouts and THEY GET DONE... shouldn't we do this in other parts of our lives? I believe she was talking about her sex life. :) Hey, it falls into that WIFE category... big time! AM... how's that going? We DO want to hear! So on the list of to do's is to really dive into what this means to me. Instead of just letting the whole family thing 'take care of itself' it's time to get proactive about it. I need to schedule things in that way as well. (and my computer time... I know you all know the time suck that can be. I won't give up my bloggy friends, but I know I can stream line things... I need a "block" like parent block for some stuff... SERIOUSLY!)

Another way that I plan to make more time in my life for my 2011 AWESOMENESS goals to become a reality is to continue to clean my house out. And by clean I'm not talking vacuum and organize I'm talking GET RID OF IT! A quote to be placed on my "vision board"...which will get made as soon as my season is solidified... is "just enough"... it's directed mainly at STUFF!!! What the hell do I need all this crap for!? I mean really. I'm only forced to organize it, pick it up, clean it, move it to clean something else, trip on it on my way to do something... ENOUGH! Really I don't feel like we have a lot of stuff, but I swear I got rid of a CAR LOAD of stuff and I still feel like we have tons of stuff. Just unnecessary things.... I need to keep this in consideration as the holidays come and every time I go shopping ... like to TARGET! Jesus is that place a black hole of buying shit I don't need or what? If I'm finding myself so bored that I am shopping I need to pack the fam up and hit the woods STAT!

I'm also cleaning out our photos. I'm HORRIBLE about backing up my computer and the macbook is acting up. I'm worried I will lose EVERYTHING! In the interest of keeping things streamlined I am going to make annual photobooks. (Got this idea from my friend Erin. They do this every year and it's great fun to look through them.) No ordering individual photos to then need to be organized into a book...which just end up rolling around the house. The books will all be the same size and will look nice on a shelf. I'm using www.lulu.com (at my friends recommendation) It's pain staking to load all of the photos into the software then into the template, but I know I will be glad I did when this computer goes to sleep for the last time!

And the Spinning. Good lord this opened a whole can of worms that I wasn't expecting! I was a nervous wreck about teaching this class. I got my cert YEARS ago .. I think 3 years.. but never did anything with it because I was so paralyzed by it. Well my friend Jill found a place that was looking for spin instructors... she was going to get certified... had just started taking spin classes and was all over this! What the hell is wrong w/me I thought? I've been taking spin classes for years, I've been certified for years.... why wasn't I teaching. I could get paid to get a work out, get a free membership to a place with a pool (albeit a place that is a tad far away). We are approaching THE YEAR OF AWESOMENESS! It's time to start being awesome already! So I contacted the lady, went to meet her and was offered a job. I think she was impressed w/ the fact that I ran right before I was meeting with her, I'm a triathlete and I appear to be relatively fit. Does any of this mean I can teach a class. HELL NO, but she was confident that I could do it. Others were confident that I could do it. I was fairly confident that I could do it. It was to be a week and a half before I taught my first class. I went to work on profiles and play lists. This was no small task for me. I had the same music on my play list for TWO YEARS!!! TWO YEARS! I am not exaggerating. Two years, six days a week... same 20 or so songs. I was all good w that. Needless to say I didn't have a lot of music in my iTunes Library to pull from. I got all my CDs out (mostly purchased in HS and college) and took what I thought I could use and put the rest in a pile to hit the garbage (hey I'm getting rid of stuff!). I came up with a profile and playlist that I figured would kick some serious spin ass. I was told these people wanted to WORK!! Okay then! I can do that! I used a mix of stuff... some Eminem (love him), some Christina Agruilera, some Flo Rida and I took a risk and put Megadeth - Symphony of Destruction and Janes Addiction in there. The Megadeth stuff went over just ok.

Tuesday came and there was no turning back. I felt like I feel the morning of a big race... and this made me feel absolutely ridiculous. I got there early and was able to talk to some of the ladies that were getting set up and it turns out their set up on the bike was all wrong and I was able to remedy that (they said their knees had been hurting). I felt pretty good about this and that made me feel a bit more legit. Once we got going it was fine. I have some things to work on, but I think I worked everyone. It's hard to really tell because while I'm kicking my own ass it's obvious that some people are dogging it. It's there workout though and I can't turn that dial or increase their turn over. I can only offer them some tunage and a workout!!!

These emotions of fear really opened some things up for me ... an insight into my psyche. I SO wanted to call and quit before I had even started. Thinking that I just couldn't do this. That I didn't need to do it bc we don't need the money and I'll certainly have plenty to do as marathon training picks up and then tri training after that. Did I really want to have this commitment to someone outside of my family and my training? When it came down to it I felt like I did need to do this... for a few reasons! I needed to prove to myself that I could do it. I needed to move outside my comfort zone! I WANT to share fitness and the lifestyle with others and this is a sure fire way to do that. I want to show my kids that you can do things you might think you can't. I'm not sure if this job (can I really call it a job?) will turn into anything more, but I guess that's not really the point.

Alright year of AWESOMENESS... I'm preparing for you.... are you ready for me!? Can you handle it!?

What plans do you have to push yourself outside of your comfort zone in 2011. It's terrifying, but exhilarating!!! Come on all the cool kids are doing it!

(I warned you that it was going to get jumbled up in here!)

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

The ability to choose.

Lately I am really trying to decide if going back to school is what I want/need to do. Yes I am into nutrition, but do I want to talk to people all day about it? Nutrition can be highly technical and there are millions of details regarding what all the different elements do to interact w/ all things in your body, but I feel it's really pretty basic. :) EAT WHOLE FOODS! I realize that most people I know eat fairly well so I am sheltered to the fact that most people do not eat well.... but am I the one to help them 'see the light'... I suspect I would be fighting and uphill battle and either be working w/ the infirmed or overweight people looking to shed a few pounds. I suspect that the latter group doesn't necessarily have a problem w/ what to eat as much as they have a problem w/ stepping away from the foods they know are making them overweight/sick. Having experienced a lot of this myself. They typically need a psychologist more than they need a nutritionist.

Lately I'm feeling like I should learn to grow my own food and learn how to sustain our family in a better way (not depending on mass produced products as much) if I really want to 'make a change' and help people.

So the saga continues. I'm slated to start pre-reqs in May... have until then to really decide what direction my life is taking I suppose. What do I want to 'be' when I grow up? Perhaps the answer is to not grow up.

Weighing the pros and cons of it. In the short term I would be taken away from my family, the time I spend running/riding/swimming would be decreased as I focus on my studies..... Long term I would have a masters degree and be employable ...

Decisions decisions decisions.

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

How it all fits together.

I've recently found some old friends on facebook and it really got me remembering past experiences and thinking about how we are all a product of those experiences and the people that were involved in them. I even feel that looking back and remembering them - both the experiences and the people - allows for additional lessons on life.

It's amazing to me how we are so formed by these experiences. I contacted someone that I left on not great terms because I was looking for a mutual friend. I was almost surprised when he messaged me back... and saying that he didn't feel our parting was as awful as I was remembering it. Regardless of the horribleness of our separating - whether it was 'that' bad or not - I started thinking back to the time I spent w/ this friend and the fun we had. I also started thinking about the characteristics of him that I enjoyed so much (Like letting me off the hook for being an ass) and remembering what fun I had when we were hanging out. It also made me think about what a moron I was for treating him so badly... allowed me to see myself almost from above or outside of myself... to see how much I have changed and grown... to challenge myself to continue to change and grow... to be thankful for him for being so kind and fun and for being a part of the building of my current self. To be thankful for all of the wonderful people who have helped to form me.. to shape my experiences and challenge me to grow. It also gives me pause to think about how I might touch other people that I could help them grow. It's such an intricate web. Even the smallest thing that we say to people can make such an impact. Amazing.

How cool is Facebook... or myspace. To be able to make these connections. So all of you that are reading this and not on Facebook or Myspace.. get with it! ;)


And to take it to the next level and think about how my kids are their own people and will have their own experiences that will shape who they become! Little things I'll probably never know about that will make them the people they are! Fun, scary and amazing all at once.

Ok.. that's about as deep as I get these days...

Monday, January 29, 2007

Drowning in the River of My Children!

Lately I feel like I'm drowning. I feel like my identity is gone... like I live and breathe solely for my children... like my needs should vanish. I guess I'm just starting to feel this way b/c my needs/wants/desires are bubbling to the top again as I'm getting a little bit more freedom.

As I start to think of things I want to do.. and not just RIGHT NOW, but big picture things... I think, "and HOW am I going to pursue/do that when I have these two wee ones to care for?" I know that there are plenty of moms out there contributing to their communities and living their own lives, but how? I'm not just talking the physical act of going out and doing something w/o kids tethered to you - much less to your boob for nourishment, but the emotional act. I start thinking big about something... we'll use a triathlon as an example. I think oh how great it would be to do a tri... then I think about the training - oh the wind in my hair as I cruise along on my bike, the freedom of a nice quiet run, and - I won't lie - the swimming part is not so appealing. Then I'm snapped back to reality at the sound of my babies... whether talking to themselves or each other or CRYING... and I remember that I don't have the hours to train and be away from them. I suppose this feeling will pass as they get older and can go longer between nursing.. RIGHT!?

For now I feel I am drowning in a quickly moving river... I no sooner pop my arm out of the fast current to grab hold of a tree limb of my former self as the current picks up, rips my grasp free and sucks me back under.

I love my babies and being a mom is rewarding for the most part, but will I ever feel free to pursue those things I long for? I know hind site is 20/20, but I find myself wishing I had done more stuff before they were born... I always felt I was too busy... let me tell you as the time goes by you just get BUSIER! I'm sure this will be true as time goes by and the kids get older and more involved.. of course when they are doing their thing (school or whatever) I can do mine. Is that my destiny now? Fit my stuff in in between theirs?

If I had read this post two years ago I would be mad at it's writer... thinking, "I WISH I could forget about myself for a bit! I WISH I could 'just' be a mom and not have to worry about the rest!" After all we went through to get these kids here I almost feel guilty for having these feelings. I have these two BEAUTIFUL PERFECT (though they do cry a fair bit! ha) babies and I am complaining? WHAT THE &*$$! But I suppose no matter how they get here I am still a mom and I will have the feelings of any other mom and this is part of the gig... the whole loss of self thing! You don't know what you don't know, right?

Monday, January 22, 2007

Food for thought

what future do you want?

If your life could be anything you wanted it to be, what would it be
right now?
- Where would you live?
- Who would your friends be? What kind of people would you like
to spend your time with?
- How would you spend your time, if you could be doing
anything at all that you wanted?
- What would you eat? Wear? Listen to?
- Would you work? If so, what would you do? If not, what
would you do?
- What do you want to learn? To know? To be?
- Where would you like to vacation? What would you do?
- What else would be a part of your perfect life?'

BUILD IT AND THEY WILL COME!