Thursday, September 30, 2004

I feel revitalized!

Maybe it's just the clomid, but I have so much energy lately. It all started on Sunday.I went and had coffee with the girls and on my drive home I was thinking about how to arrange our office and when I got home (after Tom left to go for a ride) I ACTUALLY got off my duff and did it. I didn't really even think about it. I moved all of the furniture around in the office inculding carrying one that weighed at least 50lbs up two flights of stairs all by myself. After I finished that we went to Home Depot and bought paint for the master bathroom and the office. I trimmed out all of the green in the master bath before I went to bed that night!

I haven't had energy like this in YEARS! Every night after work this week I've either run or worked on the bathroom or both! I feel amazing! I hope this isn't the Clomid -- I hope it's my hormones getting more balanced!

I've been feeling much better emotionally as well. I seem to have finally come to a point where TTC doesn't take up every waking moment of my life. I'm able to think about other things.. like my job, my husband, my friends and myself! I'm finally getting things settled in the house and feeling like it's more like a home! I've decided to train for the Seattle Half Marathon while I TTC and if I get pregnant I'll make decisions about what to do after that... and if I don't at least I will have accomplished something! I've been able to drop most of my jealousy toward others that I know that are pregnant and get over my pitty party so that I can still be around and enjoy their pregnancies.

Tom may be out of town when I ovulate this month and you know what... that's okay. If he is we will just do the Clomid again next month and hope for the best. Hopefully I'll either ovulate about a week earlier than I did last time or the same day as I did last time....

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

I'm Thankful!

Through this process of trying to conceive I have had a hard time remembering that one day I WILL have a baby.. and when that day comes I don’t want to look back and regret my poor attitude during the PROCESS. It may take me a while, but I will get there and I want to look back on all of it and be happy about the way I handled it and not regret wasting the time in an endless pitty party!

Though I struggle and this process is taking me longer than it takes most I am still working toward the most wonderful goal – which I know I will attain. I am so thankful that I have the ability to freely choose that I will have a child. That I am financially capable of supporting a child, and that I have a husband that stands behind me in the decision to have a child AND stands behind me in the struggles that we face! He is going through this with me and I am not alone!

I am thankful for my family and friends that stand behind me also – my family and friends that listen readily whenever I want to talk about it and encourage me through their words and actions. Family and friends to send prayers and good thoughts my direction.

I am thankful that I have professionals readily available to me that are knowledgeable about this process and willing to help me through this difficult time! I am thankful that I have the resources to fund this help!

I am thankful that God has chosen this opportunity to teach me! I am learning to be patient, kind to myself, more balanced and helpful, to lean on others when I need it, to be more open emotionally, to make myself available to others when they need me and to trust that God will bring me everything I need in time.

As you can tell I am feeling much better. I’m not sure what has done this.. how could the (almost) diagnosis of PCOS make me feel better? I guess I feel like I can do things day to day that could potentially help my endeavor. I am eating better, moving more and keeping up with my supplements. I’m also taking progesterone cream – this could be helping my mood and energy level! I’m feeling better than I have felt in over a year! It’s great!

You cannot prevent the birds of sorrow from flying over your head, but you can prevent them from building nests in your hair.- Chinese Proverb