Tuesday, April 12, 2005

left out of the club

... Karen had Riley yesterday - I haven't talked to her yet.... partly because I had class until 9:30pm last night and partly because I can't think about it without crying. I'm on day 64 of another long cycle. I'm feeling so helpless.. I can't fix it.. I've tried so many things and short of taking drugs I can't make myself ovulate! I feel like I've taken a huge step backward, but part of me doesn't want to take drugs and the other part can't afford it anyway. I'm feeling really discouraged and back to feeling like this is not meant to be for me!

It all overflows into the rest of my life.. I get so depressed nothing seems worth doing. Why go to work.. I don't need the money for a family.. can I even go back to school.. I'm probably not smart enough.. what would I do when I get out?

Hopeless... helpless.. worthless.. and still nobody understands.

Tammy finds out this Friday if IVF worked or not.. I think she is pregnant.. probably with one! My prediction.. let's see if I am right...

yet again.. left out of the club!