UGH! Feeling like a bad mom today.

Jason and Lily are both SCREAMING right now and I am sitting here w/ ear plugs in. They will NOT sleep on their own. They wake up - most of the time - every 30 mins and I just feel it's taking a toll on them.. especially Jason. I don't know what else to do. Jason SCREAMS in agony (though he's not in agony).... the books say they should do this (cry in protest).. right?? UGH and at the last ped appt the doc said that by 6 months they should be able to fall asleep and stay asleep on their own.. that's only 2 months from now. The doc said it's an important skill for them to have... to be able to self sooth and go to sleep on their own.. but his CIO thing has yet to work on either of them. They scream for a while.. then calm down a bit...then get a second wind and go all out again. It stresses me out and pisses me off. Why do they have to do this? It's just sleep... I mean shit.. I would LOVE to sleep right now!

Then I feel guilty b/c I'm pissed off at my babies for, uh, being babies. I'm angry.. angry?? REALLY? How sad. I wish it didn't get to me so much. Why can't I be more zen... but damn they are both SCREAMING.. I know not at me, but in my ear while I hold them and Jason squirms so much that I just want to throw him. (don't worry I won't)

I love them so much and want to do what's best for them. And some suggest that this is what's best... giving them the gift of sleep. "they" say that if I continually go to them that they won't get the sleep they need and they will just get more and more tired.

If they were just one baby I would just lay w/ the baby and let it sleep, but laying w/ two just doesn't work. One is usually so upset and crying that we can't relax and fall asleep.

Will this go on forever.. I mean the - if it was one we could do this and this and this - w/ each stage I'm sure there will be the problem of it being two at the same stage going through the same things.. this works for one, but not the other so forth and so on. I'm so sick of the books saying "do this" and I think.. okay that totally won't work for two so now what?

Okay... there's my bitch for today. Sounds like Jman calmed down, but Lily is still fighting it. Need to go fold some laundry. Please PRAY that these kids work this sleeping thing out!

FYI.. there are days that this morning nap happens w/o all this screaming.. Lily generally goes down and stays down. Poor peanuts!