1/26/06 - 17 weeks - You are REALLY showing now!

The nausea happened two days in a row so I now have a bucket of cashews and a bottle of water by my bed. I can snack on them when I get up for my numerous potty breaks. This morning no nausea... it was great!

We took new photos today and Tom's response was, "Oh, you are really starting to show now." Translation: Damn girl that belly is getting HUGE! ha ha This statement came after he had just taken a photo of me with my shirt down... apparently he needed the CLOSE look at my belly to make the HUGE assessment! j/k He's very cute about the belly thing! He just tries to be careful not to use the words "large", "big" or "huge" when refering to anything to do with my body... because he's smart!

Here is the photo: (I also added it to the photo album if you want to compare to my last photo)

1/24/06 - 16 weeks 5 days

The nausea gets me when I think I'm getting past it. This morning I woke up and while I was in the bathroom it hit hard.. I had to eat and I had to eat NOW! I don't think I ate enough last night. I had to crawl around the kitchen getting a bowl and cereal boxes and milk from the fridge. I ate the first couple of bites while I was sitting on the floor until I could get up and add my banana then go about my merry way.. oh speaking of I need to go take my vitamins.. no way was I doing that this a.m. I'm feeling much better now!

I think I started to feel the babies last night. I'm still not sure. I feel a bubbling sensation, but it's much lower in my pelvis than I thought it would be. Last night I felt it mostly after I uncrossed my legs so I thought maybe I was cutting off blood supply and would feel the blood returning when I uncrossed my legs. So I've been much more conscious and haven't been crossing my legs. I've been feeling it a lot today. It only lasts a couple of seconds - maybe the babies turning around - I'm not sure. I guess I'll have to wait it out to see what develops.

My friend Suzanne gave me a changing pad and it got dropped in the dining room when I got home. Earlier today I was on the computer and heard something crunching around. I looked up to see Phoebe doing circles on the pad to make herself comfortable. She plopped down and lay there for a while... she either thinks it's for her or she just wanted to lay by the heating vent in the same room as me... here's a pic of her saying "WHAT? You're the one that put it on the floor!" haha

1/20/05 - 16 weeks 1day

Okay I called and made my appointment for my Level II ultrasound. Much to my disappointment they wait until you are 20 weeks - or close anyway. I scheduled it for Feb. 15th - another month. Darn it! Those little rascals.

I'm excited to know they are moving so much and now when I lay down I try to be real still and quiet and just feel for them to see if maybe I can feel it, but don't recognize it. So far nothing out of the ordinary. Maybe they are causing my upset stomach! ha ha A motion sickness feeling from all that rocking around perhaps? ha ha probably not!

So far an uneventful pregnancy - which is great!!! - I always feel so lame during the part of my OB appointments where I talk to the doctor because so far I really don't have any questions and aside from measuring 24 weeks when I'm only 16 weeks there is nothing out of the ordinary. :) Though that's not really out of the ordinary with twins! ha ha

I suppose I can just keep praying that my pregnancy continues to be this "uneventful" for the rest of the term! We talked more about Csection vs. vaginal delivery and he said a twin pregnancy has a 50% chance of Csection... going beyond just how the babies are positioned. He said that when the uterus gets stretched out that much it doesn't work as effectively to push the babies out. It essentially looses some of it's strength. Despite that I'm still hoping for a vaginal birth... time will tell.

1/19/06 - Darn It! - 16 weeks

I went to my OB appt today and the doc told me that their ultrasound tech was out. I told him I was bummed b/c I was hoping to find out the genders. He said, "Well, let's go see what we can see."

He put the ultrasound on my belly and saw TWO VERY ACTIVE babies! He said, "wow those babies are active, good luck with that!" ha ha Though I can't feel them moving around in there just yet I bet it's only a matter of time until they are keeping me up nights!

He gave it a valiant evfort, but just couldn't get the money shot. At one point during a side view of baby B (I think it was B) we thought we saw a boy part. The doc said he couldn't be 100% sure. I was surpisingly relieved to see at least one penis.

So there you have it.. there MIGHT be a boy in there.. and there might not. My next appt will be my Level II ultrasound where they do an indepth look at each baby measuring everything and looking for kidney function etc. We should be able to find out at that appt. I have to wait until tomorrow to schedule it - I go to a different place for that one.

Anyway here is my 16 week belly shot.

1/13/06 - 15 weeks 1 day

Things are going pretty well lately. I'm in the "FEED ME NOW" phase. I have to stay on top of it or it gets ugly. I learned this the hard way the other day. I was doing something... getting hungry and didn't want to stop AGAIN to eat so I kept working. Well, not too shortly later I was nauseous and shakey. I went into the kitchen and threw together a taco salad as quickly as I could then had to force myself to eat it with out puking because I KNEW I needed to eat. I ended up having to lay down for a while to get through it. Next time.. eat when you are hungry or your body will get back at you! :)

I'm having cravings here and there and Tom is being a champ about entertaining them. Last night I REALLY wanted egg rolls and hot and sour soup. Even though Tom leaves on Monday to go to Asia AGAIN.. he still let me pick up crappy american chinese food when he's got over a week of it to look forward to.. well he gets the good actual chinese food, but whatever. Don't worry to those that might be concerned (aka Mom) I'm still eating really well - with the occasional indulgence! :) Frankly I seem to be eating better by default because sweets aren't as appealing. I thin of them then it just makes me feel sick. I do have the occasional sweet - usually ice cream - and hey at least that has calcium! ha ha It's hard to stay creative and get the variety I need when it seems that I am ALWAYS having to figure out what I'm going to eat! ha I'm eating more meat than I think I've ever eaten in my life.. protein is a must.. and it's what I like right now... along with fruit - I guess that's sweet huh? :)

And here is what the normal evening looks like:


I relax a lot, but I am trying to get out for a walk with Phoebe at least every other day - doing okay with that - and my prenatal yoga class started last Tuesday. It's only once a week, but I think it's going to go a long way to help me with strength and flexibility and most important LABOR!!

Only 6 more days until my next ultrasound where they are going to try to see the genders... I can't wait. I feel like it will make this feel that much more real! Then I can start really thinking nursery, shower(s) and baby names!

1/7/06 - 14 weeks 2 days

I’m really feeling the weight of the babies in my abdomen now and when I lay on my back they don’t just sink into my back… they continue to poke out for all to see. My uterus has stretched up to my belly button already and I took a picture at 14 weeks to send to Lynda and my parents and was shocked at how huge I looked. I think it’s just the shirt and the angle though!

1/3/06 - 13 weeks 5 days

We went down to Houston to see my parents for Christmas and New Years. Though I wouldn’t want to live in Houston because of it’s size and the expanse and sprawl of it, it was fantastic to be down there in the winter. The weather was in the 70s/80s the entire time and the sun was always shining. It was great to see mom and dad and to spend time with Aunt Susan, Tom (Susan’s Tom), Aunt Cheryl, Amanda and Stephanie. I really didn’t want to come home. I missed Phoebe, but dreaded the weather and the dry heat. I wasn’t dried out once in Houston. I thought this whole time that my headaches were pregnancy related, but I think they are more dry heat related than anything else. L

They surprised me with a 30^th Birthday party. I had asked Tom is we were going to have cake for my birthday and he said he didn’t think we were doing anything special. I thought we would probably do something … like maybe go to dinner and a movie. We arrived in Houston on December 24^th and as soon as I got off the plane all I could think about was eating dinner. I asked if there was a good place to get fajitas and mom said she had fixed something for us to eat at home – that should have tipped me off – ha ha. We got to the house and Tully was all squeaky and excited to see me that I spent some time in the kitchen fussing over him. Dad walked into the living room and said, “Come look at this room.” I thought he was just starting “the tour” so I went in with my head up looking at the vaulted ceiling. I looked down and saw a table full of food – still didn’t think much – then I looked over to see what dad was doing and Aunt Susan, Tom, Aunt Cheryl, Amanda and Stephanie were standing there and said surprise. Ha ha … they got me! We sat and had a nice meal and some GREAT cake. Mom and dad gave me a shopping spree for maternity clothes and Tom gave me some Godiva chocolates – later he gave me a pair of diamond earrings and said he didn’t want to make me feel uncomfortable in front of everyone. J It was so nice to have my birthday honored right around Christmas and to sit around and catch up with everyone with some good food.

Everyone came over again for Christmas the next night and we all played Trivial Pursuit – The mom’s were the “AARP” team, the girls were the “dumbasses”, and the Tom’s were, well “the Tom’s”. As expected the Tom’s cleaned house and the Dumbasses didn’t know many answers. Come on the thing was made in 1981. Stephanie was born that year. Cheryl made a beautiful baby quilt – she said she made it before she knew it was twins and she would make a new one before they were born. It was so sweet. She also crocheted a baby blanket for me when I was born – mom is going to bring that one with her when she comes out for the summer.

We spent the week taking it easy and seeing the sites in Houston... we ate some great meals out – much better than the food in Madison – we did our Maternity shopping and Tom and I had to buy a luggage set – which we needed – to get everything home. We went to Kemah – a boardwalk – one day and Stephanie joined us because Amanda and her mom are both working and she’s off from school. It was nice to get out and see some water again – I miss Seattle.

It was the first trip I can remember with my parents where I didn’t once get annoyed with either one of them. I’m not sure if it’s easier for me to spend time in their space instead of having them in my space or if I’m just getting older. We had a lot of fun and remarked that this was the last “calm” holiday we would have in a while. Next year shouldn’t be too bad… crying babies, feeding and changing diapers, but the next Christmas at 1.5 years… we’ll have our hands full.

This is my second full day back in Wisconsin and I’m struggling. I’m trying really hard to stay positive. I woke up with my usual dry eyes, dry mouth, dry nose and headache. I hate that feeling. I’m extremely bored and really need to meet some people before I loose my mind. There are tons of things I could be doing around the house – I really want to paint, but I know I shouldn’t. I lack the motivation to start trying to figure out how to do some crafty things around here. I was going to ask mom to come and visit while Tom is in Asia – again – in a couple of weeks, but didn’t want to ask her to come and endure the winter she just escaped from. Maybe she can come up for a different one of Tom’s trips.

Tom goes to Asia January 15^th and I’m not sure if this will be a one or two week trip – then he goes to California in February and back to Asia in March for two weeks – It’s even worse for me when he’s gone. I try not to get bitter – he moves me here to the frozen tundra then he’s gone for most of it. It’s going to be worse when the kids are here. I’m getting out of dodge in February to go to SC for about 5 days then to Seattle for at least a week in March – maybe two – we’ll see.

I’m still feeling REALLY hungry all the time. I know it’s a good thing, but food rules my life! Ha ha Those little ones are growing like weeds in there – they’ll go from about 1.5 inches to four inches by January 19^th. I can’t wait to see them again. The doctor said we will try to find out the gender. I am excited to find out what they are! I also can’t wait to start to feel them move – signs of life! I’m showing a bit more and am wearing maternity clothes exclusively. I tried to put on a regular top while I was in Houston and I looked like a stuffed sausage. Along with clothes I had to buy new bras – again. This time I bought maternity bras and I am much more comfortable.

I’m going to go for a walk today – it’s in the 30s today so I better take advantage of the “warm” weather while I have it!

12/10/05 - 10 weeks 2 days

This has been my first week in Madison without Tom. I had a rough start. On Monday I was feeling fine and started worrying about the babies. I’ve heard so many horror stories about going back for your second ultrasound and finding out the babies stopped developing at 9 weeks… which coincidentally I was. Of course as soon as I start to worry and wish I had morning sickness it comes with a vengeance. On Tuesday I was mildly ill and had a – not too bad – headache. That night my headache was so bad that I couldn’t really sleep then when I woke up at 3am I had to practically crawl downstairs to get some cereal because I felt so hungry and sick. The worrying has already begun. I spent the last week trying to make myself get up and do something. Every time I thought about getting up and cleaning I felt a wave of nausea – psychosomatic? I did finally get out of the house yesterday for a walk and it was really nice. It was 12 degrees out and I’m glad I made myself get out. I had to shovel the driveway that morning and was already all suited up. I took Phoebe for a walk and she only made a block and a half before she was picking up her little frozen feet! Poor thing!

I bought my first pair of maternity pants yesterday. My belly is poking out and sitting in a regular pair of pants is getting too uncomfortable… the whole unbuttoning my pants in public is bound to backfire eventually. I bought some jeans and they are great! I also bought a pair of black pants and a shirt I can wear to the Christmas party at Tom’s office next week. It’s pretty cute – you can actually see my belly!

12/2/05 - 9 weeks 1 day

When I woke up this morning I didn’t feel sick at all and it made me nervous. I think I’m more nervous since the ultrasound than I was before. Maybe because before the first ultrasound I had no physical proof that there was an actual baby in there and now that I’ve seen those two beautiful heartbeats I’m crazy about not letting anything happen to them. Thankfully the morning sickness did come on so I feel better! :)

12/1/05 - 9 weeks

Last night I discovered that I’m a bit more concerned with Tom’s mortality these days. I couldn’t find him last night. It was about 6:30pm and he wasn’t home from work yet. I had called his office number at 5:45pm and he hadn’t answered so I assumed he was on his way home – on his bike in the dark, but when 6:30pm rolled around and he still wasn’t home I got worried so I called his cell phone – no answer. Okay… he could be on his bike and unable to hear his phone. I called his office phone again. Nothing. I called his cell again and he answered. I asked where he was he said the office. I said it’s 6:30pm, he said, I’m in a meeting. Fine and I hung up. At least he was okay. I found myself wondering what I would do if he was gone! Here I am in a city where I know no one pregnant with twins. Then I started to wonder if the twins would survive through the stress and mourning. They HAVE to survive. Then I thought… okay I couldn’t stay here – though the house would take forever to sell. Would I go to Houston or Seattle. Seattle is more like my home, but I would think I would want to be by family for support and help with the pregnancy and the babies. Great… now I’m a drama queen on top of everything. Tom came home just fine and I asked him to tell me in the future when he is going to be late.

11/30/05 - 8 weeks 6 days

Oh my God! It’s twins!!!! We had our first ultrasound on Monday 11/28/05 and as soon as she put the wand in I could see two sacs. I started laughing right away and couldn’t stop! I’m still in utter disbelief… okay not disbelief… maybe denial! J Very early on I thought it was twins… assumed by the numbers and hey if one worked they both probably did, right? Then when my morning sickness wasn’t horrendous and my stomach didn’t start poking out right away I thought maybe it was a singleton. I certainly wasn’t surprised to see twins, but still confused, scared… can I do this… with two? Do I have the patience? I keep thinking about little things like getting out of the house. I can’t just toss the baby in a Bjorne and head out … there will be TWO of them!!! They don’t make a double Bjorne!!! Walking in the back door when we got back it occurred to me that it would be a tough fit with one baby seat, but two!!!! How can one person carry TWO anyway!!! What will I do when it’s below freezing next winter?? Leave one outside while I bring the other in! AHHH!!! I’m so excited at the same time! It will be such and adventure! I can’t wait to see how they interact together and to see what the future holds for them! We’ll have double the cost and double the struggle, but we’ll have double the fun too!!! Breastfeeding two? Oh geez… I’m going to be like a feed station. I saw a woman at the grocery store just trying to check out with her ONE two year old son trying to run around the store. I wanted to say, “hey lady, that’s nothing... imagine if there was another one running in the other direction.” It almost made me laugh out loud… and that made me feel a bit insane already! How do you corral two of them while trying to do normal things? Will I have to either hire a babysitter to go to the store or wait for Tom to get home and go at night!? I know we’ll work it out and I know we’ll have fun with it... most of the time… it’s just overwhelming to think about!

We’ll be so special… I’ll be special when I’m big and HUGE carrying two babies in me!!! I’m excited for that! J Ha Ha!!!

I’m 8 weeks and 6 days today. It was amazing and a huge relief to see the ultrasound and see that they were measuring right on track. Their heartbeats were nice and strong – 182 and 169. It still feels as if we were looking at someone else’s ultrasound and I have to look at the picture with my name on it everyday to remind myself that they are indeed mine and I am indeed carrying them… just in case the morning sickness doesn’t confirm that for me! I do worry a little bit each day… are they still okay in there? I wish I could see them again! I wish I could feel their little hearts beating so that I would know all is well. I can’t wait to feel the first movement! I’m trying to remain calm and trust. I know that it is out of my hands now, all I can do is take good care of myself and get plenty of rest. I love them so much already and they are only 2.24 centimeters (just under an inch) big! By the end of this month they will be around 2 ½ to 3 inches big!! They are going to grow a lot!

Right now I have a bit of nausea all day long… which I don’t mind because, like I said, it’s an indicator that things are moving along. If I for a moment feel normal I have a moment of panic then remind myself that it will be here soon enough… and like clockwork it shows up. It was worst mid-morning when it first hit now it’s worst at night. Thankfully I’ve only barfed a couple of times. I am really exhausted most of the time. Going out into the world to shop or to the coffee shop to check my email – my only two real outings these days – wears me out. I could take a nap right now for sure. I’m still sleeping really well though I do get up once or twice a night to go to the bathroom. It’s super cold – well 60 degrees – at night, but I still wake up burning up a couple of times a night. Okay, that doesn’t sound like great sleep, but I know it’s better than what I will be getting in the near future. J Not to mention the not too distant future of spending my nights nurturing not one, but two babies! Ha ha J (I wish there was an insane emoticon!)

Tom is nervous mostly about getting through the pregnancy that results in a healthy mom and babies. He realizes that there is more potential for complications with a multiple pregnancy. I’m hoping to carry the babies close to term (32 wks at minimum) and not have to go on bed rest. I’m just going to take it slow and rest when I need to and hope my body can sustain the pregnancy. I’m going to sign up for a prenatal yoga class really soon! I wish it was either not super cold out… it’s only 20 something today and I know it’s just going to get COLDER. It’s hard for me to get motivated at all to go outside and walk already… it’s just going to get worse. I’ve thought about joining a gym just so I can go walk on their treadmill. That’s probably not a bad idea.

My next ultrasound is about three weeks away – the good news is that with a twin pregnancy (oh my God did I just say that… I’M having twins!) you are monitored more closely which means more ultrasounds. I go in on Dec. 22^nd – I’ll be exactly 12 weeks by then and hope to see two very strong babies both measuring at 12 weeks. We are off to Houston to see my parents and relatives for Christmas and hopefully I’ll have a little belly to show off. I’m not sure when I’ll see my parents again. I’m hoping they come up before the baby is born to see Madison prior to the twins showing up… and of course I want them to come up for a while after the babies are born… Tom and I will need all the help we can get and they are planning to spend the summer outside of Houston anyway. J

A little catching up!

Now I'm going to go back and post a journal I've been keeping on my computer to share with those who care to read the ramblings of a pregnant woman who's life is about to be turned upside down by the addition of two little babies. :)

Enjoy and comment as you wish!

It's been a long time and a lot has changed!

Where to begin!? I suppose I could start by addressing the topic of my last post. God, it sounds so sad. It's not that I've forgotten the sadness, but it's not on my mind all the time!

For starters... sometime after that post Tom and I started working with a new infertility clinic called Seattle Reproductive Medicine. I was still working part time and in school, Tom was still working at REI, but we decided that we had the money saved up and this was worth it... for my sanity and to attain our goal of starting a family. After another failed round of Clomid with IUI and some more testing it was brought to our attention that our most likely solution was IVF. Tom and I decided to go for it!

Around this same time we also decided that Tom really needed to get a job - a job that he loved that wasn't hourly - so we opened up the search outside of Seattle. Right after we did that Tom was interviewing with companies in California and Wisconsin. Tom had numerous phone interviews with Pacific Cycles in Madison, WI and ended up flying out for an interview for a Senior Product Manager position for Scwhinn IBD. The position was a perfect fit for Tom and a great opportunity for him. The money was much better... we could sell both our properties in Seattle and afford to pay outright for the IVF, pay off our HELOC and still have enough money for a sizeable downpayment and some extra cash. This would put us in a position where I could stay home and raise the little baby we were trying to hard to conceive!

Tom took the job in Madison and we were moving... now we had to decide whether or not I would stay back and complete the IVF with SRM or if we would move to Madison and figure it out there. I really like SRM and they have state of the art technology and excellent pregnancy rates in my age group. After many back and forths we decided it would be best for me to quit work and stay for a month in Seattle to complete the IVF. Tom returned for the retrieval (where they take the eggs out and fertilize them) then returned to Madison while I waited for the transfer.

I received and started my injections in September while we were finishing up the houses - selling and buying - then by the time I got to the real deal - the stims - I was unemployed and staying with my mother in law. I was very relaxed and felt good about the procedure. I went in every other day for ultrasounds to track the progress of my eggs... and WOW did I make eggs. In the end they came out with 41 eggs... 30 fertilized... THIRTY!!! That was an amazing number!

Tom and I talked about what I should do when I went for the transfer. I really wanted to transfer two because I was nervous that if it didn't work I would always wonder if it would have worked if we put two back. I knew it increased our chances of twins, but I really wanted to put two back for my piece of mind... and twins was fine with me! Tom told me I should do whatever the doctor recommended and I said, "okay"

I ended up making it to a 5 day transfer (the best case scenario). I was sure they doc would recommend transferring one because my doc had told me that putting two back at 5 day transfer would only increase my chances of twins. I was upset, but excited at the same time. Well, to my surprise - when I got there the doc recommended two. I didn't even hesitate... YES YES YES!! :) Lynda (my MIL) went with me and you could see them do the transfer on the screens that they had up. I got to see my two little blastocysts and got a picture of them. I cried to myself a bit as they did the transfer and felt really positive. I went home and layed around for a couple of days watching movies.

I had to wait ten days for my beta. We decided to have the nurse call Tom with the results because I wanted to share the news with him first. I vowed not to take a pregnancy test because I didn't want to get a false negative and stress myself out. I just waited. I tried to stay busy spending time with my friends before I left for Madison. Time went by reasonably well and the fateful day came.

On October 28th, 2005 I dropped off blood for my beta and later that day I was shopping with Lynda at Fred Meyer and the phone rang - it was Tom, but it seemed too soon to actually get the results. I froze then decided to answer. He asked me when they were going to call. I said, "hey, you can't do that I was so nervous to answer the phone." I told him I didn't expect to hear anything for another couple of hours. He called again about 5 or 10 mins later and I thought... what? what does he want now??... they had called... He said, "they need you to come back in two days for another blood draw." Now, I knew that if it was positive I would have to go back for another beta to make sure the numbers were doubling.... I said, "does that mean it worked?" He said, "yes, you are pregnant and your number was 548" I was so excited and gave Lynda the thumbs up. She started crying and hugging me and I was crying.. Yes, in Fred Meyer! :)

After I got off the phone I started thinking about it. I was only 15dpo.. only one day late for my period and I know a lot of women have a hard time getting a positive on a pregnancy test..which are pretty sensitive... wow, my number is HIGH... twins?? We would have to wait until we got to around 7 weeks to find that out!

I was shocked and didn't really believe it. I think I spent the next two hours on the phone calling all of the people that were waiting to hear!

Fast forward to 8.5 weeks pregnant.. now in Madison, WI and still disbelieving.. though I was feeling like crap and really tired. I originally had thought it was probably twins.. why would one work if the other hadn't?? As time had gone by I didn't think it was twins because I thought I would be more sick.

But here is what we saw at the ultrasound:


We are having twins. My 40 week due date is July 7th, but I was told twins are term at 37 weeks so my due date is more like June 15th.

PS... by the way. I was right ... Tammy's second IVF worked and she is pregnant with twins... she is currently 36 weeks and just waiting to deliver!