training coming to an end.. FINALLY!!

Things are a brewin' in my mind. I go back and forth. I feel kinda crazy. I've had a rough (am having) taper. My last hard week of training knocked me on my ass. I had all of these grand plans for 2010. I was basically planning on coming out swinging and kicking this year's ass. I was feeling so damn good during my Miami training that I figured.. why the hell not.

Then I got my ass handed to me. The wheels fell off and since then I have been re-evaluating some things. I've been reading a lot of blogs (uh, I'm bored and lacking personal connection) of women triathletes.. CRAZY athletes. Good talented kicking ass triathletes. Women I couldn't even touch if competing against them. I wanted to be them. They are kicking ass and taking names, they are moms, they are in my age group!!! If they can do it ... damn it all I can do it.

Then "the" week happened and reality came crashing down on me. Oh yes, not 6 months ago I was having trouble w/ my energy levels. Not 6 months ago I was seeking help from a doctor to get me back out there. Not 6 months ago I was ready to wave the white flag. Okay.. perspective. I'm crashing again.. at least that's what it feels like.

My body was screaming at my mind... RE-EVALUATE.

My knee jerk reaction was to pull way back! No 70.3, no long trail runs. Maybe no triathlon.. AGAIN this year!

Then I read THIS post ... this lady is a kick ass athlete. I could only dream of being as fast as her. As determined as her.. as successful as her. Wait. Did she just say she was going to do the sport for the love of it and not for the PR of it? Shit, I can do that... right? I can get out there and train around my schedule. Not be a slave to it... right? Isn't that what it's all about? Can I? Can I have a schedule and not follow it to the letter EVERY BLESSED DAY! Can I do that and not feel like a total failure? Can I??? IF I'm going to do a 70.3 this year I must do it that way. I must put my kids first, my health first. I must rest when my body says rest. I must skip a workout when life doesn't allow me to get it in and feel okay w/ it.

So let's see folks. Can I? I have some time to figure it out.

When it comes down to it... I won't be a rock star this year, but maybe I'll get myself out there!! Today is registration for the North Face Challenge... so we know I'll be doing that in May. It's a start!

I will make final decisions after I get back from Miami on the rest of it. Can't wait for some warmth, sun and girl time!