Tuesday, January 26, 2010

I fell into the parental black hole!!!

Tell me you know what I'm talking about. The downward spiral that sends you reeling and unable to climb back out. All is wrong. 1. your kid(s) is/are nuts. Psycho temper tantrums, you can't do a damn thing right. Everything you try to do starts a big whinefest. Today the whinefest began over a particular spoon and went on for a good hour. 2. it all builds up on you and start to react/respond poorly and soon you see everything that they are doing as WRONG WRONG WRONG... hhhmmm. Who's mirroring who here? We did this back and forth all day. By the time I dropped the kids off at school at 12:30pm I was spent! I nearly started crying when I asked their teacher if my kid was acting out in her class too.. she, of course, said no. Great.. they reserve only their best for me. Thanks for that. I was relieved to hear that all was well at school.

I wanted to crawl in a hole and die most of the last two days. Parenting is hard. Thankless and at times (let's face it) largely unrewarding. I found that place today where even the sweet little "I love you mommy's" didn't snap me out of my depressed angry rage. I would just say, "thanks, love you too." w/ barely any emotion at all.

My mom has always told me that she didn't like me until I was about 10 years old. I always thought that was pretty awful, but now I get it. Mom.. I TOTALLY get it.

Tomorrow we are going to have a 'play' day. I will spend all my time (aside from essential tasks like, uh, going to the bathroom and preparing meals - not at the same time) playing w/ the kids.

When it comes down to it I'm afraid the behavior has little to do w/ the kid(s) and a lot to do w/ the amount of time (or lack thereof) I am spending really engaging w/ them.

Okay ... time to get my head out of my ass and start getting on the floor w/ my kids. The dishes, laundry, sweeping, cleaning, blogging, emailing, internet surfing... so forth and so on will always be there. My sweet little kids (who are quickly moving to the dark side as a result of my lack of attention) will not.

I see the light outside of the dark hole.. must move toward the light. And on that note. It's time to put away the last of the dinner dishes and go put my dears to bed. Who are happily playing w/ their dad... far away from their ogre of a mother!


  1. Boy, I hear you -- you're not alone!

  2. Oh I've been there! Too often as of late. I feel your frustration. I find that when I'm distracted with other things, Jameson acts up. I think it's because I am really wanting to do other things but can't and I get annoyed at that. I've really tried to be more present with him the last week or so. I also think about those poor little kids in Haiti who are wandering the streets because they've just lost their parents in the earthquake. ug.

    Give yourself a break. It's not abnormal to feel the way you do. Oh, and I ALWAYS tell my parents that their kids acts better for me than them. It's totally normal. :)

  3. I feel ya sister.....totally feel ya.

  4. I can totally relate to this entire post. Being a parent is, by far, the hardest thing I have ever done.