Miami Bound

And we're off to the races. I head to Miami tomorrow and I can't wait. I so need this break and hopefully I'll be able to get my head on straight in the days leading up to race day.

Think of me on Sunday starting bright and early!!!!

I fell into the parental black hole!!!

Tell me you know what I'm talking about. The downward spiral that sends you reeling and unable to climb back out. All is wrong. 1. your kid(s) is/are nuts. Psycho temper tantrums, you can't do a damn thing right. Everything you try to do starts a big whinefest. Today the whinefest began over a particular spoon and went on for a good hour. 2. it all builds up on you and start to react/respond poorly and soon you see everything that they are doing as WRONG WRONG WRONG... hhhmmm. Who's mirroring who here? We did this back and forth all day. By the time I dropped the kids off at school at 12:30pm I was spent! I nearly started crying when I asked their teacher if my kid was acting out in her class too.. she, of course, said no. Great.. they reserve only their best for me. Thanks for that. I was relieved to hear that all was well at school.

I wanted to crawl in a hole and die most of the last two days. Parenting is hard. Thankless and at times (let's face it) largely unrewarding. I found that place today where even the sweet little "I love you mommy's" didn't snap me out of my depressed angry rage. I would just say, "thanks, love you too." w/ barely any emotion at all.

My mom has always told me that she didn't like me until I was about 10 years old. I always thought that was pretty awful, but now I get it. Mom.. I TOTALLY get it.

Tomorrow we are going to have a 'play' day. I will spend all my time (aside from essential tasks like, uh, going to the bathroom and preparing meals - not at the same time) playing w/ the kids.

When it comes down to it I'm afraid the behavior has little to do w/ the kid(s) and a lot to do w/ the amount of time (or lack thereof) I am spending really engaging w/ them.

Okay ... time to get my head out of my ass and start getting on the floor w/ my kids. The dishes, laundry, sweeping, cleaning, blogging, emailing, internet surfing... so forth and so on will always be there. My sweet little kids (who are quickly moving to the dark side as a result of my lack of attention) will not.

I see the light outside of the dark hole.. must move toward the light. And on that note. It's time to put away the last of the dinner dishes and go put my dears to bed. Who are happily playing w/ their dad... far away from their ogre of a mother!

Lara Bar give away at inTraining

Another great deal brought to you by Laura!!!

Another blog I frequent is doing a LARABAR giveaway.. now you know I love me some LARABARS!!!! I would go on about them, but she does such a good job I don't think it's necessary!

You can check it out at inTraining. If you win you have to share at least ONE w/ me! ha ha

Enjoy!!!

If you want a new suit check THIS OUT!

How cool is this suit!? I just love it, but I bet this won't be the one I get!

I found a link to Splish Suits on Run Faster Mommy! and discovered they were having a grab bag sale! $20 for a polyester suit!!! So I rolled the dice and ordered two! One one piece and one two piece. I'll post what I get. Hopefully they are cute!!!!

Just wanted to share this opportunity. I've never used a Splish suit, but all things I read were good! So if you need a little motivation to get in the pool check it out. A new suit always helps me. Okay I've only ever purchased two suits... which is why I need another. One of my suits really needs to be retired!!

Last week before Miami. I'm trying really hard to visualize myself qualifying for Boston. Running through any pain and flying to that finish line with a big smile on my face. Unfortunately so far mostly I've just had bad dreams about not being able to get the job done. Hopefully that's not a premonition.

I am really READY to go to Miami and get some sun shine and girl time. This momma needs a break!

Flippers!!!

I think I found the answer to my swimming woes! I love swimming now.. WITH FLIPPERS! I don't swim the whole workout w/ flippers, but swimming w/ flippers does two things. 1. it gives me confidence b/c I'm not the SLOWEST swimmer in the world w/ them and 2. it gives me the ability to focus on my arms and technique w/o all the high cardio I get from trying to kick and the negative (I'M THE SLOWEST SWIMMER IN THE WORLD) talk.

I'm getting some good feedback from the swim coach and it seems to finally be sinking in because REALLY it's the same stuff that Coach Chris has been telling me for years. I swear it's the flippers allowing me to think and concentrate more! There is hope that I can be the second to last slowest swimmer in the world!

I completed 2800 yards yesterday. I can't believe it! That kind of yardage is unheard of in my swim world. Not in 1hour and 15 mins anyway. I'm happy with that ... even if I cheated and used flippers. I'll take what I can get now.

I took my first spin class at the new gym yesterday too. The lady got right to it and left me begging for cool down so despite the fact that their bikes are kinda ghetto and I really missed my spinning buddy Marie it was a good ride and I was SO GLAD to not be running! Tri season is upon us folks. Time to mix it up.

I also registered for The North Face Challenge 13.1 in Bear Mountain, NY. 13.1 miles of trails on May 9th. Anyone care to join me?

training coming to an end.. FINALLY!!

Things are a brewin' in my mind. I go back and forth. I feel kinda crazy. I've had a rough (am having) taper. My last hard week of training knocked me on my ass. I had all of these grand plans for 2010. I was basically planning on coming out swinging and kicking this year's ass. I was feeling so damn good during my Miami training that I figured.. why the hell not.

Then I got my ass handed to me. The wheels fell off and since then I have been re-evaluating some things. I've been reading a lot of blogs (uh, I'm bored and lacking personal connection) of women triathletes.. CRAZY athletes. Good talented kicking ass triathletes. Women I couldn't even touch if competing against them. I wanted to be them. They are kicking ass and taking names, they are moms, they are in my age group!!! If they can do it ... damn it all I can do it.

Then "the" week happened and reality came crashing down on me. Oh yes, not 6 months ago I was having trouble w/ my energy levels. Not 6 months ago I was seeking help from a doctor to get me back out there. Not 6 months ago I was ready to wave the white flag. Okay.. perspective. I'm crashing again.. at least that's what it feels like.

My body was screaming at my mind... RE-EVALUATE.

My knee jerk reaction was to pull way back! No 70.3, no long trail runs. Maybe no triathlon.. AGAIN this year!

Then I read THIS post ... this lady is a kick ass athlete. I could only dream of being as fast as her. As determined as her.. as successful as her. Wait. Did she just say she was going to do the sport for the love of it and not for the PR of it? Shit, I can do that... right? I can get out there and train around my schedule. Not be a slave to it... right? Isn't that what it's all about? Can I? Can I have a schedule and not follow it to the letter EVERY BLESSED DAY! Can I do that and not feel like a total failure? Can I??? IF I'm going to do a 70.3 this year I must do it that way. I must put my kids first, my health first. I must rest when my body says rest. I must skip a workout when life doesn't allow me to get it in and feel okay w/ it.

So let's see folks. Can I? I have some time to figure it out.

When it comes down to it... I won't be a rock star this year, but maybe I'll get myself out there!! Today is registration for the North Face Challenge... so we know I'll be doing that in May. It's a start!

I will make final decisions after I get back from Miami on the rest of it. Can't wait for some warmth, sun and girl time!

Happiness

Thanks TriMommy for tagging me to make a list of 10 things that make me happy. You must have known I needed to focus on that today!

1. My kids telling me they love me - randomly and w/o prompting
2. Freedom (via my husband) to go out and work out or go out w/ my friends
3. A good drenching hard workout
4. The resulting hunger from said workout
5. My morning americano - also provided by my husband EVERY Morning!
6. My iPhone.. yes, love that thing!
7. Silence.
8. email - I love getting email.
9. a hot shower. Long, hot and uninterrupted.
10. Did I already mention a good cup of coffee. Love a nice bold cup of coffee.

Let's keep it simple!

Now I'm supposed to tag 10 blog friends to do the same:
Jennie - The Perry's of West Seattle
Karen - pdx Mounts
Julie - The Sweet Life (or should I be tagging Todd?)
Todd - The Sweet Life
Karen P - The Golden(ing) Children
Katie - Thirty Something Motherhood
Gena - The Slowest Triathlete
Steph - The Life and Times of the Lamm Fam
Marie - Brownbuilt
Amy - Take Two Please

On that note I have been re-evaluating my goals for 2010 and I think I'm going to dumb it down a bit. I've loved this marathon training, but I'm not ready to continue this level through out the year. I've decided to do shorter tris instead of going for the half ironman distance this year. I want to keep it simple. I'm going to be starting a masters program and I'm not sure what kind of time commitment (stress) that will add and I don't want to overload the family. My job fist and foremost is to keep this house going and give my kids my best. i have the rest of my life to do 70.3s and Ironman races... after I'm done w/ school and the kids are in school.

I know after this training session that I can get a butt kicking workout in a short amount of time. Before I always felt like the shorter runs were beneficial, but I did like them as much as the longer ones because I didn't feel like I had really pushed it... well, I hadn't. Now I know I can get that 'worked over' feeling w/ a lesser time commitment. So this year I will try to get faster at shorter distances... until fall when I'll be running the Portland Marathon w/ some friends.... Jennie, Julie, Karen.. Karen P?

I'm feeling a bit better after an extra day off and am looking forward to a short run (12miles) outside tomorrow.

The wheels fell off the bus!

The wheels fell off the bus!

Where oh where did my energy and motivation go? I was doing SO well! I was cruising along and loving life. Running and loving it! Now, ugh. I want to go to bed!!! I gave myself an extra day off this week to no avail. I got through my run yesterday and it was fine, but I'm lacking the mental stamina and determination to get through it and I'm far from excited about it. I'm HOPING HOPING HOPING this is part of the normal process. I've been training hard and now my body is kind of revolting... just in time for taper. I'm trying really hard to avoid my previous INSTAtaper where I pretty much stop running right before the race....

My BQ dreams are feeling unachievable right now. Again, hoping it's just mental. I know I need to maintain a positive outlook and trust the training I've done. I think I can, I think I can, but first I think I need to nap!

Need some training inspiration?

I've been searching around triathlon blogs and fell upon Sonja Wieck's blog. My first thought was.. wow I want to be her when I grow up. As I blog stalk and read it all she is an animal. She works hard and is truly inspirational. I just wanted to give her a shout out and share the enthusiasm.

Check her out HERE!

Last big week.. Kicking my ...

So I made a big mistake and ate dark DARK chocolate around 8:30pm last night. This caused me to toss and turn till .. I have no idea when, but it wasn't comfortable. Heart pounding mind spinning.. just wishing I would fall asleep. Of course we still have at least one kid come to our bed every night.. yes STILL! So my sleep SUCKED and I felt LESS than rested when I woke up. I was not at all excited about going to do my speed work out .. on the dreadmill. I was so frustrated with myself because I caused this lack of energy.. damn chocolate. This is the first time this entire training session that I've really dreaded a work out so I guess I should just be happy about that.

I dragged myself (and the kids) to the gym and slugged it out. I managed to do 8x800 at 7:30. I wanted to do 7:20s, but it just wasn't going to happen. I did a 400 running slowly between each 800 and walked the 400 at the halfway point. I was reminded by one of my WI training 'partners' that this sort of work out was mental.. that I could do it and that it was good mental training for race day.. It's going to be hard, but I'm not going to quit. So I just kept making myself focus on that. And I wore my Lk Stevens 70.3 shirt so I could see that mDot staring back at me in my reflection to remind myself that this is just the beginning of my season. I have many fun things ahead... to include another shot at the 70.3.

I was SO wiped out after this workout that I put a video in and snoozed on the couch (w/ two toddlers climbing on me) while they watched tv... then had a cup of coffee when I got up.

I felt much better after the nap and half caff coffee. Then it was make dinner then off to the Bethel Tri Club meeting. I stayed for an hour to chat some people up and find out where folks are racing this year. It's looking like I might be doing The Timberman in New Hampshire in August and will do the Rev3 Oly to get my feet wet in the sport again since it's been a long while since I last raced. I'd rather go race where some team mates are going to be than do it all by myself. Besides I've never been to New Hampshire and Tom and I want to see as much as the New England states as we can before we - eventually - return to the PNW.

After my quick jaunt at the meeting I beat feet to swimming. I SWAM 2700 yards. TWENTY SEVEN HUNDRED. Granted it was mostly w/ flippers and there was quite a bit of kicking (which is great after an ass kicking speed work out), but DAMN!!! I worked for it too! The surprising thing is that I WANTED to go to swimming. I didn't have to drag myself there kicking and screaming the whole way. I willing went and jumped right in and swam swam swam. I got some great pointers from the coach and am hopeful that things will come along in the next 3 months!

Okay... off to bed. Please God let me get a good nights rest. (I left the rest of the chocolate in the freezer!)

5 more miles on the dreadmill

Did another treadmill run today. Only 5 miles, but damn it was hard. Why did I think lifting heavy on the legs on Sunday was a good idea? I was thinking..wow my legs feel really good. I need to get a weight set in on them this week so I should do it now and they should be all good by the weekend. Guess I should have done lighter weights. They did NOT want to run today, but I made them. After the first mile I was fine.. warmed up, but still had to force myself to slug out the 5 miles. Done... now 8x800 on the treadmill tomorrow. Good times. That will hurt more I bet!

Looking forward to a glorious day off on Thursday!

My friend Ridge mentioned that she doesn't sleep well during IM training... well I can understand that well. After my big day yesterday I didn't sleep well at all. Hopefully tonight will be different.

The last big week before Miami

I'm in the midst of my last big week before the Miami Marathon. So far so good. Mom and dad left (as Marie put it... my SAG wagon has left the building) so it's going to be A LOT of treadmill running for me! Hopefully not the 20, but probably all the week day runs. I would be outside running on this gloriously crip and sunny afternoon if I wasn't waiting for the inspection guy to come look at my furnace. Why did I schedule this while the kids were in school? Damn it! Guess we'll be hitting the treadmill after school! I'm feeling good again.. though I definitely over did it yesterday w/ P90X, 10 mile run then my first swim session in over a year... I'm feeling it. My legs are also wrecked from some heavy weight training on Sunday. It's all good. Shorty easy run today and then TRACK workout ... on the mill on Wed and a nice day off on Thursday.

Swimming went so much better than I thought it would. The big bonus was that we got to use flippers!!! The coaches theory is that you need to master the technique before you put the legs in play. I'm down w/ that! It's hard to work technique when you are just trying to keep moving forward. We did do some pulling too so it's not all lost. The good news is my shoulders aren't screaming today so I didn't drag myself along using my shoulder muscles. Got some back in there! I like the group and the coach was helpful. Two days a week for the next 12 weeks then ... ???

Tri training officially begins in a few weeks, but I won't be getting on the trainer until after Miami... I'll have plenty of time to reintroduce my cheeks to the 'butt callous".

Off to try to be productive while the kiddos are gone!