Yesterday after I put the kids down I felt like I had barely seen them all day. This isn't the first time I've felt this way..
How can I stay at home with my kids and spend every waking moment w/ them and doing for them and feel like I barely saw them? I try really hard to do with them and not just for them, but some days the 'for them' is more than the 'with them'. Yesterday the took a good morning nap then we ran some errands - returning some clothe diapers I decided not to use, then going to buy some cups with straws for their now daily smoothies ('for them') then we got home, lunch, play while I clean (waiting for that full diaper), then down for naps. They took a great afternoon nap while I washed diapers, vacuumed and mopped floors. (for those who know me you know that the extra cleaning is also a 'for them'). They got up, had a snack, cleaned up, diapered then played a bit. They started getting fussy so we went to the park.. where I played with them, but I am more like a referee than a play mate... chasing down and watching as they climb and slide. I know every mom feels this way... a bit of a disconnect some days b/c of the 'stuff' of life, but I think it's harder w/ twins. I rarely get a day - a whole day.. ha ha.. shoot.. I barely get a 5 min span - where I can spend the day sitting down with a child, giving it all the eye contact and attention it needs and doing the things it wants to do. I get a moment here and a moment there. Mostly with Lily. Poor little thing. Jason is so demanding and in 'mama' mode and she is so amicable that I feel like she gets lost in Jason's wake. I keep telling Tom that I want to do a couple solo adventures with the kids (both of us), but when it comes down to it we don't get to spend much time as a family either so the solo excursions haven't happened yet.
Today Lily came over and handed me a book then sat in my lap so we could look at it. It melts my heart every time she does it .... but as usual moments later Jason came over and grabbed her book, sat on my other leg and pushed and shoved and grabbed until Lily wasn't interested anymore and moved on. I'm so sorry baby girl! I try to distract him with something else and go back to our book, but it never lasts.. he always comes back.
Lily... I promise you THIS WEEKEND we WILL do something just you and me! I love you honey. Jason loves you too... he just doesn't want to miss out on anything.
Things are going farely well with tom gone, but I am lonely. Before I had kids it never occured to me how isolating it could be. I remember Karen had her PEPS group and I had this vision that every day mom's spent their days getting together watching their kids play and chatting away. The reality is that you have a play group that you frequent.. maybe two.. each week. Other days either your kids or your various friend's kids are off their game on their nap schedules or someone has and appointment or a cold... and there you are by yourself stuck in the house alone w/ your cranky children and cranky self.
I very much understand where you are coming from (not the twins thing) but at least with two. I feel like Madelyn gets the "boot" so many times and just plays nicely b/c Gracelyn is always louder or more persistent. I think every mom with more than one child feels that way. The second child never gets as much attention (or I'm trying to make myself feel better???). But with twins I know it has to be different.
ReplyDeleteAnd as for the feeling alone thing when you have little ones with you all the time. Isn't that crazy?? I don't think the husbands can understand that. How can you feel alone when you have two other people with you all the time? I feel that way too. My time with others is when I take or drop off the girls from preschool/KDO and at other church events & playdates here and there. It is amazing what even a few minutes with other adults can do for you! And I can imagine the upcoming weather change is harder for you all being with all of the snow but at least you have your gym now! It may not make you feel better, but I think all that you are feeling is normal. Isn't that crazy? "Normal" changes so much when you become a parent : ) Why didn't people tell us that before? You know what, it wouldn't have changed anything b/c we'd still want to be right where we are (well, most days!)
Just reading the account of your day makes me tired. I know exactly what you mean. I think we might sign up for swim lessons to do one on one time. That way it's scheduled, and it won't get skipped. Wow, is that horrible, that it needs to be scheduled? means to an end? What do you put in your smoothies? I'd love to know if you sneak veggies in... Don't forget - you're a great mom!
ReplyDeleteThis is just how I feel too!!! I get to the end of the day, put my son down to bed, and feel like I miss him - that I didn't really get to interact like I wanted to. I try every afternoon, after my computer work is done, to just sit on the floor and play with him. But this doesn't always work because there are groceries or there's laundry or cleaning (yes, it's for the kids since they'll eat ANYTHING on the floor!), then the day is done. I'm glad I'm not the only one. I want to find a playgroup around here just to see other adults. Oh, and a PS for you - I did puree some dates for use in soy and nut milks, and it worked really well! I now keep some in the fridge at the ready. Thanks! (Phew! I'd better leave some room for someone else here!)
ReplyDeleteI totally know what you mean! Between the 3 kids, I feel as though I never sit down and play. I'm busy prepping meals, getting people dressed, putting them down for naps, trying (not as successfully as I'd like) to keep things halfway clean... Before I know it, it's bed time.
ReplyDeleteWith playgroup, these days I'm finding it much more difficult to get there as Lids is in preschool 2 afternoons a week now. In order to get her there, we all have to eat lunch by 11. Given my current inability to get us all out of the house at a decent time, plus the boys needing a morning nap... Well, we are not getting out too much right now. :(
I feel winter and cabin fever closing in already. Not cool! Hopefully things will get a big easier once the boys are walking, and especially when they are taking one nap per day!!
I think every mom can relate! I am sitting here right now, trying to finish our green girls post, and Riley is on my lap trying to get me to read a book to her, and Liam is off playing Darth Vader - sometimes I purposely don't clean just so I can sit on the floor with the kids and do something. Then Andy comes home and wonders why things aren't clean- but I like to remind him that the mess will always be there but the kids won't! I always feel like I could have/should have spent more time interacting with the kids, so am really trying to make a concious effort to choose them over say, cleaning ;-) when i can. Still, it's so hard! I love them so much and want to give them everything - but I am still only one person, as we all are and we all just do the best we can, don't we?
ReplyDeleteThanks everyone for the comments, support and camaraderie!! If only we could live the picturesque life where we can do play dates and have fun every day. I am making an effort to give me kisses, cuddles and tickles today.... even though I'm at the end of my rope...day 6 on Tom out of town and I am fried!
ReplyDeleteOh and Diane, yes, veggies go in the smoothie too.. so far mostly greens, but I think I put broccoli in once. Most veggies are ending up on the floor these days so this is a good way to sneak them in. :) They can't taste them over the blueberries. :)
ReplyDeleteI feel the exact same way. I stand over her crib at night watching her sleep cause I feel like it's the only time of the day I can truly "see" her. It's hard. Mother's today have a lot of expectations put on them. Our mother's used playpens. A LOT. My mother would always ask me why I didn't put Ellse in a playpen. Dunno, feels cruel I suppose. Times have changed and so have us moms (more like Supermoms). I just started E in daycare on my two days off. Gotta say, felt pretty guilty about being home alone for two mornings a week. But now, she's happy to play with other kids (I'm not that much fun) and beat when she gets home, and I'm happy to see her and I want to play with her. My housework and computer time is over and she has my full attention. Plus I don't feel so exhausted all the time. And she's talking more, behaving better and learning some valuable social skills. If you can spare the cash, I'd recommend it. I'm a supermom but with some time to get the adult stuff done.
ReplyDeleteI was just talking to Brian about this tonight, wondering how long we will have when we can just sit and oogle over Jameson. I know it's a special thing that doesn't last once you have more than one child.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you're lonely. If I could fly there right now, I would!