5/31/06 34 weeks 6 days

Nothing real exciting to report.. well it's supposed to drop down to 55 degrees tonight - I find that to be pretty darned exciting!! YIPPEE I might get some sleep! :)

My OB appt was relatively uneventful. The babies heartbeats sound good, I'm dialated 1 cm (which basically means nothing), I start weekly ultrasounds on Monday to check heart rates, growth and position. We're still planning on letting me go into labor on my own, but the concensus seems to be that it's pretty unlikely that baby boy is going to move his ass out of my pelvis .... which would mean a c section. I'm just hoping to go into labor in the next 2 weeks ... I don't really want to schedule a C section - admit defeat.. me? NO! haha So we wait.

Mom and dad get here tomorrow night!!! I'd like a day to show them how to get to their apartment and the hospital.. after that the babies can come any day - as far as I'm concerned! :)

5/27/06 34 weeks 2 days

Well, I just packed up all my maternity clothes that don't fit anymore.. which is MOST of them. I've washed and initialed them for the next recipient.... Jennie?? Colleen??? Julie??? :) No pressure.. they'll wait for you! :) It was kind of bitter sweet - though I'm SO ready to be done w/ this whole pregnant thing it was fun to remember the excitement over needing to purchase the maternity clothes in the first place - not really knowing where my body would go and how fast.

They've served me well and whoever gets them next will see that the cotton stretchy stuff was my favorite.. and I might have to replace a pair of Julie's pants because I have basically lived in them for months! :) When you get this big you wear what fits and doesn't bind. Thank God I'm not working I would have had to purchase a whole new wardrobe... I can walk around the house and even grocery shop with the bottom half of my belly hanging out, but I'm pretty sure that if I was still in an office they would expect me to cover myself! ha!

I haven't posted any "emotional" stuff in a while because I've had some bad days.. just swollen and tired of my immobility ... I don't want this to become a platform for my bitchfests so I'm keeping it to myself. I'm doing okay today... actually trying to get some stuff done, but it's SLOW going with lots of breaks! Tom is out completing his favorite task - lawn maintanence - we're already talking landscaping to minimize grass cutting - that stuff grows SO fast.

The temps are now hovering around the 80s and the humidity has cranked up - we actually turned our A/C on last night.. I was so HOT! It was 78 degrees in the house.. UGH! So far it had stayed pretty cool in here despite the humidity and heat outside, but we got over the hump. I woke up burning up this a.m.... please let these babies come before we hit the 90s! ;)

Spring has been amazing around here.. I just love watching things spring to life!

Okay time to go manage the dog hair piled up in the corners of our hardwood floor house... hey at least I don't have to push a vacuum over the whole place.. that's REALLY hard to do all of a sudden! ;)

Mom and dad will be here in 5 days.. YEAH!

5/22/06 - 33 weeks 4 days

My OB appointment went well today. The babies have both gained about 1 lb in the last two weeks which is right on schedule. Baby boy is now 4lb8oz and Lily is 4lb9oz - she now outweighs him. All that ice cream I've been eating must be going straight to her hips - or if she's built like me - straight to her ass and thighs! All while her brother continues to gain weight at a steady rate! HA HA Oh, and the ultrasound tech said that she could see hair on baby boy's head! :) She didn't go back and look at Lily's after that and I didn't think to ask her.. at this point I'm not too comfy laying down for those things so all I can think about is getting them over with!

No internals this time. I asked the doc what he would recommend if I was still just sailing along at 37 weeks and he said, "wait and see you again in a week." I'm happy with that answer. He said that he was talking with the head of neonatology at Meriter and that the doc said they are seeing that babies that are born as a result of mom going into labor on her own - vs scheduling a C section for 37 weeks - do better. He said that if you aren't going into labor on your own there is a reason - typically if a mom goes into labor on her own and still ends up needing a C section the babies are better developed (even if it's early) b/c your body knows what it's doing and will go into labor when the babies are ready! :) So he said it would be great for the babies if we got to 38 or 39 weeks... though I think he still thinks I'll go between 36 or 37 weeks and he believes that if I go into labor all will be fine. He also said that the neonatologist said that if someone wants to schedule a C section they should have an amnio before having the C section to be sure the lungs are developed - uh, no thanks! ha! Oh God.. it could be SIX more weeks.. I'm not sure if I can do that!

So we are still waiting.. I'm hoping for at least another 2.5 weeks... God, that sounds like FOREVER right now! ha

5/18/06 33 weeks

Wow, I had a rough night. It's normal for me to toss and turn b/c my hip hurts or my shoulder aches or b/c I have to use the bathroom AGAIN, but last night was a bit different. It was either contractions or just ligament pain. Baby boy pushes on one side w/ his foot and the other w/ - maybe - his head and it hurts! It usually doesn't disturb my sleep. This a.m. when I woke up b/c of the pain for the last time I reached down to feel a big contraction - normally they don't hurt. I haven't had another one since I got up - only 30 mins ago mind you! I'll be laying low and seeing what happens today! IT'S TOO EARLY TO HAVE THESE BABIES - I'm sure they would be fine, but I want to wait a bit longer.... so today I think I'll prescribe myself some bedrest! HA HA And I think I'll throw a nap in there too!

5/17/06 - 32 weeks 6 days

Is it JUNE YET!?

My last appointment was pretty rushed - the doc was in a hurry - which was fine I guess. He checked me and my cervix is 50% effaced. I didn't get to ask him for more details about what that means, but I know that you have to be 100% effaced and 10cm dialated for the baby to come out... and I'm still closed so I think we're good. He didn't seem worried about it so I'm not either. Next appointment they'll do the Group B Strep test - just in case I get a vaginal birth - and will do another quick ultrasound to check the position of the babies. He's pretty sure he felt a butt when he was checking me so he's probably still breech... he's got some time to change, but I think he likes this position!

I'm at 191 lbs now... Dad and I may just end up being the same weight when he shows up in 2 weeks... either way we'll be darn close. If I gain another 3 lbs/wk between now and then and he doesn't lose even an ounce we'll only be 3 lbs difference in weight so close enough.. we'll have to get a picture of this! :)

I had another strange dream last night! I dreamt that I had had the babies, but couldn't remember it (the running theme in my birth dreams) - the only way I knew that I had had them was that I had my body back to myself.... and it was FABULOUS! ha Side note: I weighed myself in my dream and I was back to 140lbs already... just like that! Oh if it was that easy! I tried to go to the hospital to see and feed the babies, but I got lost and never could get there. I figured out that I had had a C section because I had a scar - a very small one! :) Then I remembered just a bit of the delivery... Dr. Melius was the one that performed the surgery and both little babies were perfect and had full heads of dark brown hair. That was all I could remember. It had been 2 days since they had been born and I still hadn't seen them again and Tom and I hadn't told anyone yet!

I promise it won't go down like that.. we will call you! :) ha ha

5/14/06 - 32 weeks 3 days

OH MY GOD I'M GOING TO BE A MOTHER!!!!! I'm going to be a parent.. I'm going to be responsible for these two little lives!!! What kind of mother will I be? Will I make the right decisions?? I mean I know my kids will blame me for all that's wrong in their lives regardless of what I do, but AHHH will I do right by my kids!? Why did I want to do this again? haha Just kidding... :)

Tom says he's not worried about being a parent! He says he is going to keep a clear head and use his best judgement! What the hell does he think he's talking about? Doesn't he remember being a teen ager!? AH! For the most part I take baby steps in my thoughts about parenthood - think of getting through the baby stage before jumping ahead to the "BIG CONVERSATIONS", but sometimes at night - like tonight at 12:30am - when I'm trying to sleep I think about all the big milestones that will come and go in my children's lives. Will I back down from the hard stuff to avoid conflict and uncomfortable moments or will I be able to be the adult and talk to my kids about the stuff that I feel I need to talk to them about?

Please God let me be strong and brave as a parent. Let me go out on limbs and not shy away from the hard conversations just because I'm afraid of "doing it wrong".

This truely IS going to be the hardest job of my life. While I'm thinking about this first year of my babies lives and the diaper changes, sleepless nights, crying, stress and pure chaos of it all the real work comes later... not too much later, but later! The mental work, the fear and worry ... okay the fear and worry started the day I found out I was pregnant, but still.

I guess you just can't worry about HOW you are going to screw your kids up because no matter how great a parent you think you are... or you really are... you are going to screw them up in one way or another. I just hope they get to the point where they get over blaming us for everything wrong in their lives and take responsibility for themselves...... some people never get there.

Geez, don't I have great aspirations for both my kids and myself as a parent!?

Okay... time to go see if I can get some sleep! Tomorrow I'll be one more day closer to holding them - yeah yeah yeah.. technically it is "tomorrow", but it doesn't count until I've slept first! :)

5/8/06 - 31 weeks 4 days

My OB appt and ultrasound went well.. the ultrasound was hard because I really feel like I'm going to pass out/puke when I lay on my back. Thankfully I was able to spend most of my time on my side. Baby Boy is breech (butt first) and baby Girl is transverse (laying across my tummy).. not good positions for a vaginal birth, but I'm still holding out! We are going to wait it out and see if they turn as we get closer to delivery. As of today (I reserve the right to change my mind) we are still going to wait to go into labor and get checked when we get to the hospital to see what position baby boy is in. If he's still breech or transverse we'll go w/ a c section.. if he has flipped we're going to go for it! :)

Both babies are about 3.5 lbs - which is a great weight for them. :) The doc said that if I delivered today the babies would most likely be in good health both short and long term, but would still spend about a month in the NICU.. they don't discharge them until they are 35 to 36 weeks gestational age. So in 4 weeks I'm still planning to start walking as much as I can! :) ha ha

Only three-ish more weeks until Mom and Dad get here.. then these babies have a free hall pass to come when they are ready! :)

5/3/06 30 weeks 6 days

I just realized something.. um a bit... "different" (okay that's really read ANNOYING, but I'm trying not to complain! ha ha) about twin pregnancy compared to a singleton pregnancy - yes, I realize I have NEVER had a singleton pregnancy, but I'm quite certain that the following observation is very true! Though in MOST cases w/ a multiples pregnancy you are in fact pregnant for a shorter period of time (term for twins is 37 weeks instead of 40) you FEEL pregnant for quite a bit longer!!! Okay.. this isn't talking morning sickness and what not.. this is talking the feeling of your body being inhabited by foreign beings and just not being able to move like you used to. For most of the singleton moms I've know and know now it seems that unless you knew the woman prior to pregnancy many of them appear that they MAY (Read: you would never ask "are you pregnant?") be pregnant well toward being halfway through the pregnancy. Now, seeing these women and remembering what my life was like at say, oh TWELVE weeks, you still feel rather normal and are asking yourself... "do I look pregnant to others? I mean I can tell the difference" Well.. I got to the "She is DEFINITELY pregnant" stage between 13 and 14 weeks... so I've been BIG BELLY pregnant for hmm... TWENTY SEVEN weeks now! People keep saying things like, "oh, must be any day now huh?" And they started saying that around 20 or 22 weeks.

So now I find myself day dreaming about what it will be like to not be pregnant anymore, though honestly it's hard to remember what it was like to not be pregnant. To be able to eat, or not, and not feel like I was going to barf, to get up off the couch or out of bed QUICKLY, to run across the street b/c a car is coming or to run into a store b/c it's raining really hard, to have a gin and tonic, to walk w/o waddling, to run in general, to ride a bike,... the list goes on.. how about to roll over in bed w/o doing a 25 point turn and waking Tom up. To actually FIT in my tub! Anyway.... so I'm all excited about this right. Naturally I'm reading some books about this multiples thing and in one I come across this:

Excerpt from "Mothering Multiples" by Karen Gromada:
"A sentiment often expressed by women during the last months of a multiple pregnancy is the desire to "get back to normal". Expectant mothers tend to idealize babies during pregnant daydreams. DAydream babies seldom fuss, spit up or have leaky diapers. Pregnant parents acknowledge that caring for multiple babies will keep them constantly busy, but imagining "constantly busy" and living "constantly busy" are seldom the same.
It can be a shock to discover that the postpartum year (DID SHE SAY YEAR?) is even less "normal" than 30 to 40 weeks of multiple pregnancy. Who could anticipaqte the suddenness of all the physical and emotional change that givng birth brings about? Change is always disruptive for routine-loving humans, but change, and the accompanying disruption in household routine, lasts longer when a new addition turns out to be new additions."

OH NO SHE DIDN'T!!!!! She did not just say that the following YEAR is going to be WORSE than being this pregnant w/ two squirmy little ones kicking the crap out of me and causing me to be nearly immobile! Making it so I can't enjoy my second love (eating) and my third love (moving) .... hmm. I'm not sure I want to subscribe to this thought process. I mean.. sure it's going to be hard.. they are going to scream bloody murder at the same time and BOTH expect ME - thier mother - to do something about it, their diapers will leak poop AT THE SAME TIME, they will wake us up at all hours of the night and want to be nurtured, they will turn my life upside down, but surely SURELY it will be a relief to have them outside my person... sure their will be days when MAYBE I'll wish I could put them back just to shut them up, but come on!!!! WORSE! No way! I'm not going to go there right now... I just want to meet them.. I will be happy to meet them... I won't believe what this woman is telling me! Not until I've lived it then I'm sure I will believe it, but now I have to believe that having them outside of me will be better! ha ha (this is the beginnings of my plunge into insanity I'm sure!) Thank GOD grandma and grandpa will be here in the beginning to be my extra set of arms! :) Dad, still counting on you for some diaper changes! ;)

Okay.. that's all for now.. just had to share that excerpt w/ you! Tom and I head to our "bringing baby home" class today.. and for the next three weeks.. then surely we will be all sorts of READY! HA!

5/2/06 30 weeks 5 days

My OB appointment went well yesterday. The doc said I was "PERFECT".. his words. I just told him that I already knew that! ;) The babies heart rates were great and doc said he thinks they are both head down.. we'll know next Monday at our next ultrasound. He said that after we get to 32 weeks they don't worry anymore.. and I'm close so that's good news! I haven't been gaining much weight from appointment to appointment and asked if that was a problem and he told me that the babies will get what they need to grow. It's hard for me to eat a whole meal so he said to just do my best to eat well and get calories in. I said, "so I shouldn't have half that cake you guys have out there?" He said, "Eat the cake!" ha ha Sweet ... free license to eat what I want! :) (NOTE: I learned a lesson this a.m... no matter how good chocolate chip cookies are ... they are BAD for breakfast.. I feel like crap after having two chocolate chip cookies after my breakfast... )

The cervix check was awful. I couldn't believe how uncomfortable it was... blah.. every week now. Oh well.. the things we do for our kids! Ha!

I also had a chiropractic appointment yesterday - which helps my back SO much - and the chiro asked what we were doing about vaccinations... or did I bring it up? I can't remember, but damn I have a lot of research to do. I've just been putting my head in the sand about it really... another thing to figure out.. I've been concentrating on just getting them here healthy and trying to get my mind around what we want done if they come early... and the whole c section vs. vaginal birth thing. I do need to think about this vaccination thing though b/c they start them right at birth. We need to be ready to tell the docs what we want done.

The days are slowing down even more.. is that possible? This waiting thing blows! I'm so excited to meet these little buggers - though a name for baby boy would be good BEFORE he shows up. Right now we are trying Austin out.. Tom's favorite so far.. it inspires thoughts of cow boy boots and ten gallon hats in me, but I'm trying to get past that. It doesn't help that Austin Powers Gold Member was on TV the other day... talk about ruining a name!

I'm not waking up to feet up in my ribs and baby lumps all over my belly - it feels like that scene in Alien where the alien bursts out of the guys chest.. or how I would imagine that to feel.

They will be here soon enough.. and while I wait I think I'll take a nap!