Thursday, November 03, 2011

2011 rolling into 2012 and self doubt

Meh.. it's the off season. While I'm excited to play around with other aspects of my fitness I'm feeling very meh. I LOVE this time of year. The close of summer and things slowing down a bit. The last couple of years I have taken this time to dumb down my schedule and train for a marathon... leaving me much time to reflect on last year and dream of next year. I decided no winter marathon this year. I won't be opening 2012 with a marathon because I feel like it hasn't set me up well for a good tri season the last two years. I've hit tri season already feeling a bit stale and burnt out... not to mention all my injuries. (Yes I will stop talking about these soon.)

I'm not sure if the not running a lot is related to my inability to concentrate or not, but every time I try to reflect back on 2011 (my proposed year of awesomeness - another post on my feelings about the awesomeness of it... or not... later.) I stall. I can't go there. So then I try to switch gears and start dreaming about 2012 and (aside from my one big Goal of being more involved with Rev3 - another post on this soon too) I can't really get my mind around the year laid out ahead of me.

Good thing I've got a few more months in 2011 to get in the right frame of mind.

As you know I've been doing more weight training and got started with Crossfit recently... and my start has been, um, rocky. The first week was AWESOME! Though I got lot's of 'why the hell are you doing this' from the world. The second week quickly slid downhill as I started the week with my awesome collision with a box.

This second week of crossfit was also the second week in a two week trip for Tom (so I was single momin' it), I taught two extra spin classes (one the night of the box jump fiasco), returned to CFD for the MONSTER workout on Wednesday, then another big (scary) workout on Thursday. The Thursday workout was really heavy deadlifts and overhead squats. I was basically SHOT physically and mentally after the Thursday workout. I was so surprised at how much the accident was affecting me mentally. All the while people continuing to ask me WHY?

Friday was my day off... Saturday Tom came home... Sunday we had a massive snow storm, tree limbs down and POWER OUT!

WOW! Slammed while I was down.

As the week wore on my morale was headed toward the crapper. Had to drive around a lot and felt like I was on a hampster wheel.

Started wondering WHY myself.

Showed up for Crossfit yesterday and I gotta say... I felt really timid and a bit scared. I seem to hurt myself every time I walk into that place. (me not them) What did I do yesterday? Cracked myself in the chin w/ the bar as I was doing a push press. I'm fine.. thank god no blood. I don't want to be the lady that always bleeds when I show up. Seriously!

And guess what... my leg is infected. PERFECT!

So the doubt... creeps in... little by little.

I continue to assess my goals and the reasons I started on this crossfit thing.. on this exercise thing... I have a lot of balls in the air right now. Nothing big.. but they are all pulling me in different directions and I'm feeling spread a bit too thin. Time to assess some things.

I WILL continue with Crossfit as I do see the benefits of it. (Even though some - and sometimes even I - think I'm crazy.) Everyone told me there is a month (at least) learning curve. We practiced the clean and jerk A LOT yesterday and I think that was VERY good for me. I'm starting to feel my body get used to the movements. And ya gotta love when you walk into the workout look at what is prescribed, think "there is NO way I'm going to be able to do that, but I'll give it my best" only to complete the workout.

Running NEEDS to start happening. I WILL find some time for it... though it will require some adjustments to my life and schedule. A good talk w the hubs last night helped me get back on track and I think if I can get a few runs a week into the schedule the mind will clear and things will come together!

When you have self doubt where do you turn? What drags you out of it and gives you the clarity you are looking for!?

Here's a little motivation to keep me hitting CFD!


  1. tis the season for MEH!
    no matter what you do (cf, tri's, marathon) you are gonna have those who have to ask the WHY's.
    Follow your heart and don't let them into your head.
    you are strong and don't forget that.
    next time around the box will bleed :)

  2. Go get it! YOU are awesome!

  3. I know you will pull yourself out of this little slump, you always do! It's hard when the hubs is gone (Andy is gone for almost a month...) and I can't even begin to imagine how cranky I would be w/out power or water. You are one of the most competitive, determined people I know - you won't let a little accident and lack of motivation stop you! Go 2012!! Woot!

  4. Sorry to hear about the self-doubt/frustration! Whenever I find myself in that position, my coach is usually the first person I go to. She always helps me put things in perspective -- looking at the big picture; finding something I've learned/accomplished even in the "bad" races; what to do better next time or how to adjust training. As much as a bad race/bad season sucks, I think you learn more from those bad ones than you do from the good ones... which will help you to be better in the end. I think that is the philosophy that gets me through the ruts!

    Sorry to hear about the power outage and leg/chin injuries -- hang in there with Crossfit though, you are awesome for sticking with it!!

  5. THANK YOU!! to all of the awesome people that read this blog and respond to help a girl out! I appreciate you... each and every one!

  6. Hang in there. I've been in the "too many balls in the air" mode, too. I hope your leg is healing well!

  7. Anonymous12:56 PM

    Wow! Been there, done that. Happened to me about a month or so ago. Ack. Never fun. I do a bit o' cleaning and run to let out my angst. Of course I find that it's best to try and let the storm pass and be as patient as I can...which is hard. Hope things start to go your way soon. Keep your chin up and keep smiling. Nothing can hold you down!