Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Actually feeling like a runner...

So I've been RUNNING for YEARS. I did my first marathon in 1999 and I ran off and on for about 7 years before that, but I never felt like a runner. I know a lot of you know what I'm talking about and if you don't run you probably think I'm nuts. When I would train for a marathon (which I've done twice) or a half marathon I would run quite a bit, but when people would say things like, "oh you're a runner." I never really identified w/ that label or felt that I deserved to be called a runner. I liked running w/ my friends. I knew it had benefits and I knew I could eat whatever I wanted when I was training and maintain my weight, but I never loved it. I would always say, "NO, I run, but I'm not a runner." I suppose I felt that way because after my event was over I always pretty much quit running. I always had the goal to be able to run 10 on the weekends, but never stuck with it.

I'm training for a marathon right now so maybe this is all crap, but I am actually feeling like a runner. I still don't feel like I look like a runner, but I feel like one. I run... a lot... by myself and I LOVE IT! I love that time and look forward to it every day. I do whatever I can to carve that time out during the day ... even if I'm having to run hard to get home before it gets too dark b/c I didn't get it done during the day light hours. Hell, I ran 20 miles by myself and it was no problem.

Maybe it's my current life of constant input and I really just like the alone time and feel justified in taking it in this fashion. As opposed to going to the coffee shop for 1 to 3 hours alone 6 days a week. I'm starting to think I want to do ultras... maybe start with a 50k and move to a 50 miler... 100??? Maybe ... I'm leaning this way more than I am to triathlon. THOUGH I MUST CONQUER THE 70.3!!! And I still have Ironman dreams.

Running with just myself takes me through so much. I think I'm enjoying it more bc I'm not just putting one foot in front of the other anymore. I'm thinking about my form and my speed. I'm mixing it up w/ just running, making myself run slow and three different types of speed work.

During any given run I solve all of my problems, work through issues I'm trying to resolve with the kids, totally space out and think about nothing, focus on my form to alleviate little aches that might creep in, focus on my breathing and how I feel, focus on the topic in my book, take in the scenery and sounds (I only use one earbud so I can hear cars), I think about my friends and wonder how they are, I send out love to them, I write lists in my mind (which I immediately forget when I get home), but mostly... MOSTLY I have gratitude! Gratitude for my husband and all he affords me and adds to my life, gratitude for my parents and the fact that w/o them most of this running wouldn't be happening, gratitude for my health and ability, gratitude for my position in life.

All is good.... and I just want to run.

1 comment:

  1. Wow, that is awesome. I know what you mean, although I am still in the your first paragraph - training, but not running for the love of running. I remember those 10 mile goals! Ha. We never did stick to those.
    I hope you find you can stick with it after your marathon (I know you will!). I also know what you mean about loving the solitude. It is so refreshing to just be by yourself for a while. With kids, husbands, friends, family, etc, there isn't a lot of alone time available. You have fabulous parents and are so lucky that they can help you like they do.
    Congratulations on finally "feeling like a runner"!!! I know you can conquer whatever you set your mind to. :-) You are an inspiration...I hope to one day feel like a real runner too!