Life is so cruel sometimes!

As noted from my first post pregnancy is my number one goal and has been for a LONG time. It’s been a long painful struggle… let down after let down after let down. I struggle then I get hope.. then nothing.

Finally I have finished my first round of Clomid and now I am hopeful again and praying that it works.. If it actually makes me ovulate I have a 50% chance of getting pregnant within the first 3 months. Please God make this work!

I just got the news that my Sis-in-law and good friend is pregnant and it was like someone ripped my heart out and tapped danced on it! I feel awful for having this response to her happy news. I am so glad for them, but so sad for me. I feel as if I have been cheated. Why won’t God give me a baby? What did I do to be punished like this? I’m left childless while everyone around me is blessed with a child.. or two. Almost EVERYONE that I know gets pregnant the first 3 months trying. I have one other friend that is struggling. Why God? WHY!? What is wrong with me.. do I not deserve to be a mother? Then for what purpose could I possibly be here?

Trying to get pregnant is supposed to be exciting and fun and filled with anticipation of wonderful things... for me it is painful and disappointing. Just when I think I'm finally turning a corner and feeling more positive and hopeful I get slammed into the ground!

Hopefully the Clomid will work and we will actually be able to TRY for a couple of months in a row -- or even better just get pregnant the first time! No pressure.. damn!

I’m heading to Taipei with Tom and I am SO happy! It was a spur of the moment thing because he planned the trip then I started my period and therefore the Clomid. His trip falls right in the time that I may be ovulating. I was so upset. We decided that we should take advantage of this opportunity to get me over there and hey if we get pregnant in the process that would be great!!!! I can’t wait to get the hell out of here and be away from all of these happy pregnant people. I want to go somewhere and pretend that I live in some strange place where I fit in and people just don’t have babies!