Stilllllll trying. (I need a little energizer bunny picture)

It's now December 9th and I'm STILL not pregnant. This is my 4th round of Clomid and I finally switched over to an RE. I talked to my OB/GYN and she said this would be a good time b/c she is getting ready to go on MATERNITY leave! Are you kidding me? I haven't seen her since June or July so I had NO idea she was even pregnant! That was a slap in the face.... So the tally is up to about 13 people now... 1. Julie, 2. Karen, 3. Shannon Farmerie, 4. Courtney Van Rotten, 5. Nathalie Middleton, 6. Deanne Wirth, 7. Jen TTC, 8. Alesa Sweet, 9. Sara de la Torre, 10. Laila Hick, 11. Marlo Penka, 12. Monica Magnan, 13. April Kriha... these are all women that I know that are pregnant... notice again that my name is NOT on this list.. AGAIN!

At my last appt at the RE I had an u/s done to see if there are any maturing follicles. Well, I have a cyst on my left ovary, a 13 and 15mm follie in my right ovary and a 2mm lining. Anyone that knows about any of this knows that those results aren't great! It was still a bit early in the cycle for me even at CD14.. I took my clomid later this cycle per the docs request and probably wouldn't be ovulating until around CD17 or more. I go back in on Saturday to see if things are moving along -- meaning cyst diminishing, follies and lining growing.

If my friend the cyst doesn't go away on it's own and is still lingering at the beginning of my next cycle I'll probably have to take bcp until it's gone... hmm... and how is THAT going to help me get pregnant.

My odds for having a baby in 2005 are looking pretty bad. I certainly don't expect to get a pregnancy for Christmas..

Though this post sounds really negative I'm feeling a bit better emotionally -- it's certainly still a rollercoaster, but now it's more like a Mutual fund than a security.. the ups are a bit lower and the lows are not as low! I feel like I becoming a bit numb to the whole thing. When Tom and I left my u/s appointment I felt.. mostly nothing.. a bit disappointed, but no tears.

I still think this blows... I still feel cheated... I still feel frustrated and like a failure, but I think I'm starting to see the light at the end of a VERY LONG tunnel.