She smiles...

and I finally caught it on camera.... I'll post more of an update later, but here's pictures in the meantime... before the babies melt down on me. :)



and another.. this a.m.

Chiropractor

I had a chiropractor appt yesterday and I took the kids w/ me. The doc asked how they were doing and how Jason's back arching was doing .. I told her not great. He still arches all the time. When we lay him down on his back, when we put him in the sling, when we try to make him sit up, when he's mad. (Notice the 4 month pic below.. Lily is sitting up so you can see her face and Jason is kind of arching back... he's like that in most of the weekly/monthly shots) She had just gotten back from a seminar about babies and explained a whole bunch of stuff to me that I won't even attempt to really repeat here... cranial bones, covering around your spine or brain and down your spine being tight. Basically he's all tense and tight and his cranial bones are out of alinment (I'm sure I spelled that wrong). I guess being all cramped in my tummy sharing space w/ his sister than having a c section birth and not going through the birth canal can cause problems w/ the alignment (okay I think that spelling is right) of the cranial bones and the spine. Anyway. She adjusted him yesterday and said he's really tight - for a baby - so we are going to take him in a couple times a week for the next couple of weeks. She said babies respond really quickly so we should start to see changes quickly. Hopefully this will help him settle down. Oh she also said the cranial bone that is out of wack houses the pituitary which controls your hormones (and can affect sleep) and then your hypothalamus which controls your hunger...

I'll let you know how things progress... hopefully we will have a charming little boy soon. Okay, sometimes he's charming as is, but when he acts like (Okay turns out maybe he's not acting) he's in pain it's horrible. Poor little man may really have some issues. :(

UGH! Feeling like a bad mom today.

Jason and Lily are both SCREAMING right now and I am sitting here w/ ear plugs in. They will NOT sleep on their own. They wake up - most of the time - every 30 mins and I just feel it's taking a toll on them.. especially Jason. I don't know what else to do. Jason SCREAMS in agony (though he's not in agony).... the books say they should do this (cry in protest).. right?? UGH and at the last ped appt the doc said that by 6 months they should be able to fall asleep and stay asleep on their own.. that's only 2 months from now. The doc said it's an important skill for them to have... to be able to self sooth and go to sleep on their own.. but his CIO thing has yet to work on either of them. They scream for a while.. then calm down a bit...then get a second wind and go all out again. It stresses me out and pisses me off. Why do they have to do this? It's just sleep... I mean shit.. I would LOVE to sleep right now!

Then I feel guilty b/c I'm pissed off at my babies for, uh, being babies. I'm angry.. angry?? REALLY? How sad. I wish it didn't get to me so much. Why can't I be more zen... but damn they are both SCREAMING.. I know not at me, but in my ear while I hold them and Jason squirms so much that I just want to throw him. (don't worry I won't)

I love them so much and want to do what's best for them. And some suggest that this is what's best... giving them the gift of sleep. "they" say that if I continually go to them that they won't get the sleep they need and they will just get more and more tired.

If they were just one baby I would just lay w/ the baby and let it sleep, but laying w/ two just doesn't work. One is usually so upset and crying that we can't relax and fall asleep.

Will this go on forever.. I mean the - if it was one we could do this and this and this - w/ each stage I'm sure there will be the problem of it being two at the same stage going through the same things.. this works for one, but not the other so forth and so on. I'm so sick of the books saying "do this" and I think.. okay that totally won't work for two so now what?

Okay... there's my bitch for today. Sounds like Jman calmed down, but Lily is still fighting it. Need to go fold some laundry. Please PRAY that these kids work this sleeping thing out!

FYI.. there are days that this morning nap happens w/o all this screaming.. Lily generally goes down and stays down. Poor peanuts!

IRONY!!!

build it and they will come! Or dream it / see it and they will come!

Last year before we even started the IVF I made a collage of things I wanted to happen/do in my life and I just remembered this picture last night:



And look at me now. Not only did I get parenthood (which was really the objective) I got exactly what was in the photo... and they even resemble my own babies. The power of positive/suggestive thinking! ha

4 months and Julie's visit

Happy 4 months to us!!



Yeah Auntie Julie came to see us for our 4 month bday!



It was so great to see Julie though the trip was short!! We went down to state street for some lunch and walked for coffee and just walked around.. it was great to get out of the house ... especially w/ the great fall weather.

I must report that Julie's belly is growing, but still seems pretty small.. of course, my perspective is a bit skewed! She's definitely carrying higher w/ this one.. the girl thing?

Okay.. Jason is in my lap and doesn't appear to enjoy the typing process so I must run.. one more pic.

check out our new gizmo

Just got an exersaucer for the kiddos.. jason is currently enjoying new adventures:

4 month well baby visit

Jason and Lily had their well baby visit today. Tom had a meeting so he couldn't join us... and wow did it SUCK! We got out the door okay.. some crying, but not too bad. (certainly not their vbest effort!() The beginning of the appointment was okay.. then we took their clothes off and weighed them and all hell broke loose. They would not settle down. The doc came in and was having a hard time talking to me b/c they were so out of sorts.. it seemes to be stressing her out, but maybe she was just talking fast and acting panicked to get me out of there??? She has twins, but they are 18 or so now - she probably doesn't remember what this staage is like. the most interesting thing was that while she checked Lily out i WAS HOLDING jASON AND WHEN SHE WAS DONE SHE TURNED AROUND AND HANDED lILY TO ME SO i WAS HOLDING BOTH BABIES. i'M THINKING "I'M SURE I READ SOMEWHERE TO never CARRY TWO BABIES AT ONCE." tHEY WERFE BOTH STILL FUSSING AND i SAT DOWN AND TRIED TO GET THEM TO SIT ON MY LAP.. OF COURSE THEY BOTH WANTED TO STAND. aND SHE JUST KEPT TALKING TO ME WHILE i STRUGGLED UNTIL i ASKED HER TO TAKE ONE.. wHAT THE HELL???

I didn't realize that the babies got shots at 4 months too.. For some reason I thought it was 6 months for the next shots.. ugh. That just sucks!!! I hate holding their hands and looking into their eyes while they poke them. :(

Here are their stats. All loooks well. Jason is being treated for Reflux again.. we'll see if it helps w/ his back arching and what not.

Jason:
height 24 inches (18th percentile)
weight 14lbs14oz. (50th percentile) Holy Moly.. I think he's getting pleny of milk!!!

Lily:
height 23 inces (10th percentile)
weight 11lbs9oz. (15th percentile)

Here are some cute pics!!!

Lily apparently didn't like somethign here

Not getting any younger

Okay.. so I sent a plee to the girls regarding skin care! Let's face it, I'm not getting any younger and I should have been taking better care of my skin for the last 20 years... but I'm just SO DAMN CHEAP!

I decided it was time to really find something that worked for my skin. Unfortunately the girls have about as much "skin care regimine/routine" as I do.. whatever's on sale and looks like it will do the trick.

After having the babies my skin doesn't break out as much, but it gets really dry patches.. and I mean REALLY dry. BAD dry! I tried putting all kinds of crap on my face. I drink TONS of water and eat reasonably well... nothing worked.

Jennie mentioned that her SIL had used Philosophy with some success so I ordered a sampler pack to try it out. The first day I just LOVED it. The scents were nice - I don't usually like scented things - and it seemed to make my skin feel softer... then after a few days it got WORSE.. way worse. I looked like I had rosacia (shit I have no idea how to spell that and time doesn't permit me to look it up).. and my skind was so dry it felt lumpy. It was UGLY.. I mean UGLY!!! I'm thinking what the hell.. I spend all this money on this stuff and it's not working. Damn!

My mom came up shortly after that, and for those of you that don't know, she uses/sells Shaklee products. I didn't want to talk to her about it and I didn't want to use Shaklee (sorry mom, read on) I'm not srue if it was my stubborn pride or what. mom's been selling/using the stuff for years and telling me how great it is and I guess I just didn't want mom to be RIGHT, AGAIN. So I struggled on and it just wasn't getting better. So I asked her about it and she told me to use her stuff while she was here and see what happened. I'll be damned if it didn't start to clear up in a day.. overnight! I'm NOT kidding. I was amazed! So I used it all week.. and I've got to tell you my skin is SO much better.. it's on it's way to feeling like a baby butt! SERIOUSLY. I'm the biggest doubting Thomas when it comes to this stuff, but I'll be damned if this shit doesn't work!

For those of you that are interested you can check out the "system" I just ordered .. I got the anti-aging package for normal to dry skin... LOVE THIS STUFF! Here's a link: http://www.shaklee.net/naturally/product/AntiAgingSystem

It looks expensive, but when compared to buying other products piece meal it really isn't that bad.. and the stuff lasts a really long time! I can't say enough good things about it.. and believe me I REALLY DIDN'T want mom to be right!!! I wanted it to NOT work... and it did!

Anyway.. the stuff is only sold through distributors so if you are interested in more info or want to order some the link above is to my mom's site!!! They also sell many SAFE cleaning products. Mom said when some lady called poison control b/c her kid drank some cleaning product they told her that the kid would be fine... to just give him/her lots of water to flush out his/her system.

Anyway.. I told the girls I would share any findings.. and there you have it. I didn't try a lot of different products, but why continue when you found the one that works. i just wish I had a before and after photo for you.. it truely is amazing!

Babies' first road trip!

We're back from our road trip to Pennsylvania to visit my Grandmother!

All things considered it went pretty well... not that we didn't have plenty of these moments:




It's hard to see Lily's pic, but she's crying - neh SCREAMING - too! They liked to take turns. As soon as one stopped the other would start. My mom drove the whole way and I spent a good deal of time w/ my arm back w/ my finger or holding a soothie in someone's mouth. The rhythm went something like this.. First crack out of the box they would sit and stare or play w/ their hands, fall asleep for 30 mins (just 30 no more), wake up and play /stare a bit, then cry when they were hungry again. It usually went 2 hours from the beginning of one feeding to the next.. just like at home. We took a day and a half to get there and back. Strangely I really liked stying in a hotel w/ them. Probably b/c my mom would lay down w/ Lily and I would lay down w/ Jason and when they fell asleep that was it.. no trying to move them to the bedroom.

We stayed at my grandma's while we were there. She has two twin beds... that's it. So we borrowed a blow up mattress from my Aunt and intended to have both babies sleep w/ me, but that just didn't pan out so poor mom slept with Lily in a twin bed and I stayed w/ Jason in the blow up mattress. The good news is that Lily slept for almost 8 hours each night so mom and I could just switch places in the a.m. for the morning feeding.

We were so lucky to be able to spend time w/ my Aunt and Uncle, my cousin Denise and my cousin Deanne and her husband Chuck and their two kids Jackson and Carly. I hadn't Deanne and her family for two years... come to think of it I don't think I had seen any of them for two year. SAD! And I had never met Carly. It was a fun trip... though I felt pretty distracted dealing w/ babies.

I'm so glad we made the trip ... even though there were certainly moments of stress during the drive.

Here's a pic of four generations. My mom's mom, mom, me and the two wee ones.



Now we are home until our adventure to Seattle for Christmas. At least I will be able to nurse them when they get hungry... instead of trying to hold them off till the next rest stop.

Julie is coming this weekend... I can't wait to see her.. and her belly! I'll be sure to get some pics! After that my dad will be back.. and the next weekend my friends Kelly, Jen and Kendall (from College) are coming to visit! I'm so lucky to have such great friends!

Tom's headed out of town again on Oct. 30th... and Mom is headed back up to help me. Part of me feels like I should really just bite the bullet and do this on my own.. but WHY!? if I don't have to?? And it can't hurt for mom or the babies for them to spend some time together! :) Dad will be here over the weekends while he is doing some consulting in Kenosha!

Okay... gotta run. Mom and Dad are taking off today ... another day alone w/ the babies for me.

Nothing new really...

Tom's out of town again and my mom is here helping. I was able to get through the first night on my own unassisted. Mom helped get Lily to sleep by wearing her in a sling before bed, and they got up more than usual, but all in all it went pretty well. I'll have to figure out how to do this all by myself by the end of October b/c Tom is off to Asia from Oct 29th - Nov. 11th.. this will be my first 24/7 time w/ the babies. Dad will be here for the weekend, but the rest of the time I'm on my own.. wish me luck. We'll be pushing hard on the napping thing when we get back from PA!

Lily has grown out of her newborn diapers and I'm working on selling them online (see advantages to cloth diapers.. you get some money back!!!) I've already purchased some new medium diapers for Jason on www.diaperswappers.com and am anxiously awaiting their arrival.. I now see how people can get addicted to buying new diapers... there are so many types out there! I was tempted, but am still sticking to my "keep it simple" plan. I really like using the cloth!!! I dont' mind washing them at all... we'll see if that changes when they start eating solids and their poops get nasty! We use disposables at night b/c 1. I'm too damn lazy to get up in the middle of the night to change them and 2. I'm too damn lazy to experiment w/ cloth to find some that work overnight. :) HA! YES.. I'm lazy..as if that comes as a surprise to any of you!!!

Mom and I are excited and nervous about the trip to PA. I'm excited to be there.. it's the getting there that I'm not so excited about. Driving that far w/ two 3 month olds has the potential to REALLY suck! Hopefully they will get some much needed sleep on the trip!

Still running my 2 to 3 times a week and loving it! :) Only a few more lbs to be at my pre-preg weight! YEAH!

A shout out to my girls!

When I got home from my run last night all sweaty and feeling the blood pumping.. I looked in the mirror at my sweaty self and really missed the girls! I so miss our runs together... getting done and being all sweaty and going across the street to Starbucks.. or Revolutions later in the progression of our runs together.

So much of my life in Seattle revolved around those runs... even the 5am (God help me) runs w/ Julie and the gang when we lived over in Bellevue... I still think back fondly on those.. though there was no fondness at the moment! ha (5am is just too damn early).

Running gives me so much energy and so much of myself back to me after a long day of baby care, but it also makes me nostalgic and kinda sad. Like a part of me is lost forever, or a chapter of life has closed it's door. I miss you guys so much and miss our runs terribly. Running alone (well w/ the burrito) just isn't the same, and when I think that I need to meet other running women here in Madison my heart aches a bit b/c I certainly do not want to replace you guys. I know I can't, and wouldn't be, replace you guys... but it's like the runs should be reserved to be shared w/ you all.. ya know?

Can't wait till we can all run together again. I know we will.. some day!

Could having twins have improved my figure????

Or is it the breastfeeding?? Most likely my perspective and attitude! I'm still 10 lbs away from pre-preg weight, but lately I'm feeling really good about where I'm at w/ my "shape". :) I went for a run tonight (a SHORT one) and wore prepreg running garb.. a tank and a pair of shorts! I wanted to wear a sign that said, "I had twins THREE months ago!" Not as an excuse for my appearance, but to brag about my appearance!! WOW! That is the FIRST time in my ENTIRE life I've ever felt like bragging about my appearance! I'm just so amazed to have my waist back already.. I'm sure having boobs doesn't hurt my attitude! :0 Sure makes my waist look small.

So to you preggos out there that are worried about your body going to shit after this... fear not.. there is a chance you will feel even better afterward. Don't get me wrong.. things w/ my body are certainly different.. when I sit down my once flat belly now kinda rolls over the tops of my pants.. these days more b/c of skin than fat, but hey.. I look good when I stand up .. oh, and hold my tummy in.

All in all I feel good! AMAZINGLY good. And running is going well. I dont' feel like I'm starting ALL over again... my body remembers. I'm trying to take it really easy b/c I don't want to be really wiped out at night or the next day when I have to do baby duty all day... being physically exausted really isn't an option at this point. I run walk, but when I'm running I feel great and like I could run longer, but like I said, i don't want to push it. I feel there may actually be another half marathon in my future... or dare I say another marathon somewhere down the road. Maybe I'll even do that triathlon I keep saying I'm going to do.

The best news is that "I still got it".. and I don't mean my shape... I mean my ability/desire to keep on running and being active. I saw a guy on the trail running along side his kid on his bike.. some day Jason, Lily and I can do that.. w/ Phoebe too!

Okay... enough rambling... damn... getting out on my own has turned my attitude around.

Cousin IT no longer!!

Yeah! I got my hair cut!!! It was nice to get out of the house too.. :) Oh my GOD look how horrible my hair looked:





(also great how lopsided my boobs are! haha)

And the after:


okay tom took this sitting down while I was standing so it's not great, but you get the idea. :)


and the back:


The ponytail off to Locks of Love

Happy 3 months babies!!!

Can you believe it!? They are three months old today (Karen kindly pointed out that 12 weeks did not equal 3 months in this case so I waited to take their 3 month picture.) Here it is.. how cute - and huge - are they???



And for reference the last age pic I took at 8 weeks:


They are both napping right now.. we are trying so hard to get them to sleep more during the day. I'm so excited that they are both sleeping right now.. in their pnp. Well, on in the co-sleeper and one in the pnp! ;) As always I expect no repeats. After this nap and their next feeding/changing I'm going to try to venture out on a walk w/ the kids and the burrito. :) Shhh don't tell Phoebe until it's time to go or she'll get all excited. The rigamarole to get the clan out the door almost makes my head spin.. first I have to get them ready.. then one out the door in the stroller in front of the house.. then leave that one in the yard (great) and go get the other... then leave them both in the yard to go back in to get Phoebe... I'm sure no one will baby snatch them.. ugh!

Babies, running and a hair cut!

Oh my goodness watching two babies is all consuming! On Tuesday I was dressed and ready when Tom got home. I said, "the babies have been fed and changed. I'm going to Borders for a quiet cup of coffee." and off I went! I just needed some quiet time where no one needed me, I didn't have to hold a baby and no one was barfing on me. I hadn't yet showered in two days and looked HORRIBLE.... HORRIBLE!!! It was GREAT to get out and have a nice slow quiet cup of coffee.. even if it was from Seattle's Best. And it wasn't that hard to get out of the house!

I'm going to start going for a run when Tom gets home three days a week. I need some way to blow off steam! Phoebe and I went last night.. it was fantastic. I felt like there is some bit of my former self still in there. I'm suffering from motherhood's "loss of identity". I'm hoping to run the Jingle Bell run here on Dec. 9th... hopefully it's as family friendly here as it is in Seattle.

I'm also going to get my annual haircut tomorrow. I measured it and I have enough to donate to Locks of Love - figure I should do it now before the post-partum hair loss takes it all!! No more cousin it for me... Yeah!

The babies craning their necks to watch TV... oops


and to cute to not share. We were going to go for a`walk, but they blew up on me right after this photo.

Fall is here!

Looks like Fall is finally here to stay. We had some of our last hot days while Karen and Andy are here and starting yesterday it looks like we are in the 70s till winter. :)

We walked over to Suzanne's for dinner on Saturday and got the kids dressed in some warm clothes.. even though we carried them in slings! :) Look how ADORABLE they are!





Dinner went pretty well. We wore the babies until they wanted to eat then fed them right before our dinner was ready. We tried to put them back in the slings to eat (poor things they live in there) and they were not having it.. especially Jason. So we tried just laying a blanket on the floor by the table and laying them down. They laid there through a good part of dinner then Jason got worn out and had to go back in. Thankfully Suzanne and Mike don't mind some baby crying.. this is Jason's newest trick. He cries whenever he gets tired and really wails when we try to put him down! Good times. :)

Andy, Karen, Liam and Riley came to visit

We had such a great visit w/ Andy, Karen, Liam and Riley. It was so fun to have all the kids in the house... it was funny.. they were here for a day then Andy took Liam and Riley w/ him to Minn the next day and it was kinda boring and strangely quiet around the house. I guess it's good to know that I will enjoy (>??? Is that the right word??) the chaos of two toddlers. :)

It was so great to catch up with Karen and spend some time just chatting and having help w/ the babies of course! Andy was so helpful too... he cooked and cleaned, watched kids and ran errands... THANK YOU SO MUCH! Both of you!!! Liam and Riley did a wonderful job too... they had a couple of long days and were so well behaved!!! (should I venture to HOPE that my kids will be that good!? ha)

we didn't do a whole lot.. mostly hanging out and going to the park.

Here are some pics.

It may be a while....

It may be a while before I can post again.. my mom and dad are leaving tomorrow (Sunday) at 10 a.m. I'll be flying solo tomorrow until Karen, Andy, Liam and Riley show up on Sunday night. Can we say SCARED! I'm worried that the day will blow up on me.. that they won't nap at all and that they then won't go to sleep b/c they will be so cranky and tired. UGH! I guess you manifest things so I better start thinking positively huh?

Tom comes home on Monday.. I can't wait. We miss him so much!

Here are some cute pics to tide you over till I get a chance to take and post their three month pics. :) Tom's friend Chuck from work and his Girlfriend Lisa gave us these onesies.... if they only knew how true!

walks, sleep and growth

I think I've discovered my secret weapon in getting these kids to sleep.. THE WALK! We went for a walk on Sunday and the babies had both good naps and good night time sleep (both going to sleep and sleeping), Monday no walk .. bad naps and not going to bed until midnight, Tuesday went for a nice hour walk and they napped well and went to bed at 9:45pm w/o one peep of complaint.. this is after big J slept for over an hour in his PNP. So today.. we walk. It's great for me too. I need to get out of the house and we all know I need the exercise. I have day dreams of starting to run again too! :) I'll try them in the jogger again in a couple of weeks and see if we can get by. Run I will! :) I've got my feelers out there for my next race.. maybe I'll run the Jingle Bell run here in Madison in December.. that ought to be nice and balmy! ha

Here is a picture of Jason in an outfit that Gma Joan brought on her visit..it was HUGE then and it fits now. She was here only about 2 weeks ago.. damn these kids grow fast! ;)


And a cute twin Matchy Matchy picture.. :)


We're so excited for Karen, Andy, Liam and Riley to come and visit.. it's been SO long. Hopefully Julie, Todd and Cooper will be able to make it up for the long weekend as well!!!! We'll miss Jennie and Colleen!!!!!

So sad and first night w/o Tom

So sad… I started to pack up Jmans 0-3 month clothes. My little 6 lber has outgrown them.. especially w/ his big boy diaper on! He’s not even 3 months yet. I know, he’s close. Lily is getting close, but she’s only outgrowing the length. So who’s having the next boy??? I’ve already started a little care package for you… will it be Karen P??? Will it be Julie?? Will it be Jennie???

Last night was the first night that Tom was away! My mom stayed the night to help out. 7:30pm rolled around and the babies were acting tired – normally Tom and I would sling them from dinner time to bed time so they are usually sleeping at this hour. Mom had run home to grab her over night stuff so I decided to just see if they would either go to bed for the night or at least nap until around 9pm. I took them up a bit drowsy and put them in their crib. I proceeded to try to rock them or bounce them or whatever them to sleep. They WERE NOT having it and were both screaming so I would hold one .. put it down and pick up the other.. back and forth as they cried, settled, cried, settled. And damn if Lily’s scream couldn’t wake the dead. I ended up having to take a break outside b/c they were driving me crazy and I couldn’t make them stop crying. I came back inside and, yep, still crying. So I threw in the towel and took them in my room. I laid w/ them for a bit until .. yes.. they started crying AGAIN. So I got set up so I could rock them both… see if I can describe. Lily on a pillow on my legs w/ my legs Indian style and bouncing while I hold Jason in my arms. This gets them calmed down, but I can’t move and it becomes most uncomfortable. They fell asleep so I moved them so we could all lay down. That lasted about 10 seconds. My mom came back and we rocked them to sleep and put them in their cribs. I laid down for bed at 9:50pm.. At 9:55pm Jason started to cry so I went and got him to side nurse him to sleep. No sooner did I get settled and he was dozing that Lily started to cry. By this time it was around 10:30pm and at he 2 hours since the last nursing mark… so I nursed them. I thought okay, well this is our normal-ish nurse/bed time so hopefully they will just go to sleep. (also they are well past the “babies should only be up for 2 hours” mark). NOPE!!! They were wide awake. So I left the light on dim and just laid down to go to sleep. I think I dozed a bit before they started to cry AGAIN. God help me if I throw these babies out the damn window!!!! I had had it.. I’d be in at this for HOURS! What the hell is wrong w/ these kids!!!??? It’s BED TIME GO TO SLEEP ALREADY! I threw my hands up and was just sitting there watching them cry when my mom came in. Lily finally fell asleep and mom rocked Jason to sleep in a matter of minutes and when SHE put him down he stayed asleep!!! Little fauker!!!

So anyway.. it was 11:55pm at this time. My FIVE hour endeavor to put these kids to bed.. and it ends w/ my MOM finally doing it. Shit… thank God she’s here.